Recent Hurricane 2

[NateG79]

Yesterday morning she gets up and is texting me. Says she has gotten up twice. Tells me she's in a difficult head space because of a dream she had involving me. This is the conversation.

Her:I just woke up from a bad dream about you and it's left me in a difficult head space
I dreamt that you were at work and Linda had cora and you were supposed to bring Cora to me but showed up alone. When I asked you where cora was you said she went somewhere with linda and she died! I started screaming at you, you were so calm. You then said that one of Linda's friends was who died while cora and Linda were with her and Cora was just pushed off to the side kinda while linda dealt with her friend. I was furious that you didn't go get her you said you weren't gonna miss work for that, I was livid as to why you hadn't reached out to me to go get her. I tried to calm down and speak with you rationally but you weren't interested. Said your counselor told you not to listen to me, to do your own thing. I yelled and begged and pleaded for you to listen to me please. For you to tell me where cora was so I could go get her. You just got in the car and drove off. I just fell to the cement bawling. Saying I hate him I hate him.

Me:I understand that's a difficult dream. But, if you're going to hold things against me I haven't done, and invent resentments, then I won't be here while you visit

Her:I had no intention of doing that. I am not mad at you for the dream. I understand completely that it was just a dream. I was actually trying to be vulnerable and open up to you and share with you something I was going through. Was that a mistake?

Me:No, it wasn't. I know you're going through something hard. And I'm sure that dream left you with some lasting effects. I'm just trying to say I don't want to be punished for that, that's all.

Her:I would never do that. That is not the type of person I am. I can see where you may feel you reactively need to put up your gaurd but honestly nate have you ever ever known me to be vengeful or want to intentionally punish anyone? That is just not who I am.

Me:I get that. I really do. And please know, I'm not that callous. I appreciate that you understand my feelings, and instead of me just reactively responding, I'm trying to talk more about those feelings. You're right, I do have a tendency to put up a guard, but this is me being vulnerable to you now.

Her:Ok well let's talk about little. It is hard for me to see how you really don't know who I am as a person after all the years we spent together. I know I have changed a lot in the last year and I respect you saying that you don't know who I am anymore but I have never ever been the type to intentionally punish people. It makes me very sad that you don't know me enough to know that.

Me:I can see that. It's not that I haven't known that about you. I have. My view has become skewed in all this. Not your fault, just a result of my mental trauma and turmoil.

Her: I have never been able to hold grudges or resentments. I have only recently started not so much holding on to them but not just letting myself be unhappy or treated unfairly and just allowing it to happen with out saying anything or standing up for myself. So it may seem that I am holding on to things but that also is not who I am as a person. But I will stand up for me now and say something if I was or am being treated in a way that is less than what I deserve.

Me:And I get that. And you should do that. I respect that. I am guilty off holding on to things, and working on learning to let go of those things. That has caused unhappiness in my past.
And if being brutally honest, you standing up for those things makes me understand more. Sometimes, I do need to be confronted and told those things. It helps to understand things better.

Her:Well I hope that I can do things that help us understand each other better

Me:I feel you have. Thank you

So, maybe positive? She came over, played with D2. Then she needed to go shopping, and went with my sister for a couple of hours. Dropped my sister off, said she would come back over toas tomorrow to get D2, and have her till Wednesday. Me and sis went out to dueling piano bar last night, had some drinks and laughs.