Rain75: New post re: OW

[Rain75]

Pink I love you right now. Im sorry you had your heart broken over and over. I know the feeling and it is not a good one.

And yes, Zues pretty much nailed my X. He uses guilt to get his way. And you are correct in that without knowing I was, I somehow became his lighthouse.

I do get confused at times since at this stage the EA seems to be over. But I can not be sure it won't start again so I have kept him at arms length. He kept hurting me so now I am trying to protect myself.

Going dim and only responding to contact about the kids is my next challenge. I am proud of not initiating contact and not unblocking him to call me.

Also I did tell him at the start after BD that his guilt will no longer work on me. And I've done MUCH better not letting it. Have a ways to go but on that front I now see it for what it is....manipulation.

I realized last night that all of the things I want my R to be and to have, I can not have with who he is. At least not now.

I love and miss who he was and what we had. But he is not that person anymore and everything we had is tainted.

And yes, it's hard. So very hard.

I am so glad that you are getting better and stronger every day. You are an inspiration. And thank you for leading me to read about a success story similar to mine.

Thank you for checking on me. As always, I really appreciate it