Jpeg - I'm behind you 100%. The absolute worst thing for me about the night I went crazy? The horrible fall-out. I've always been honorable. I care about things like morals. I am happy to be able to say I have dignity. I've always conducted myself like a lady.
To be featured on the evening news (incorrectly, I must add) as a nutcase who ran down some stranger and purposefully hit his vehicle thinking it was my H? That blow nearly killed me. My reputation is in tatters. I was crying and hit a parked car! I have ZERO desire to contact the news station and attempt to "straighten them out". I have a feeling that would be like throwing chum into a shark tank.
The fact that H and his friend had me thrown in jail, on purpose, in order to play divorce games, is something that wounds me deeply. They couldn't have hit me with anything worse. I've survived the affair. I've survived the knowledge that H has been betraying me on various levels for the past few years. I almost couldn't survive the loss of my dignity.
Stay true to who you are. You are a fine woman. Your H reminds me so much of mine. Whatever demon is driving them is causing them to destroy their lives in a way that is absolutely heartbreaking. Be the strong one. If he ever wakes up to what he is doing, he is going to need you so very badly to be strong.
That's part of the reason I'm working so hard on me. I can't do much with H at the moment, other than be the strong one. I'm working hard on that. If (I'm praying for when) H ever returns to himself, the damage he's done is going to destroy him when he realizes it. I'll have to be strong, or he will sink and have nowhere to go. This is taxing my ability to forgive in a way nothing could. But I try to live my life by the golden principle, "What would Jesus Do?" He'd remind me that I'm not perfect. I've made plenty of mistakes. So, since I can't cast any stones, I need to choose love and forgiveness.
This is my choice. I'm choosing to take this route of standing, while working on myself, so that I can be true to myself and my beliefs. A piece of paper isn't going to undo a vow I made, and meant, to God! I'm still married. It'll be lonely - but at least I'll have my dignity and a clean conscience.
