You are getting it better then many here, and for sure better them my dumb head.
I had a very hard time with the whole thing, but guess what, it helps more then what I tried on my end. I am finally detaching, it was a torture for me, but after such long time I am getting there.
Time is a friend, and if you use it wisely you get gold coins points. LOL
I love the way Zues explained it and left out there as your own choice. He is right, your hubby plays victim and wants to make sure he has your attention. Unfortunately, it may be just that for now, you are somehow his lighthouse, the one he knows will comfort and security. But what is there for you? You become plan B, he will force you to be in limbo.
So why to play his game? In a sitch like this, that has been going on for a long time but you started DBing just now, the best is to follow Sandy's rules. Like Zues said, going dim is a good option.
It will allow you to have some space, to be away from his roller coaster and start making the change you want to achieve. Now, it will make him curious, so be aware that time to time he will try to check on the temperature.
I fell more then once for my XH's charm, thinking he was coming back, but just to break my heart over and over, and over again.
Believe me, it he wants to take his R with in a serious way and want the best for both of you, he will find the way to let you know his intentions.
Nice job with your GAL, I know it is hard right now, but the intention is what makes a reality. Take the time for yourself, take good care after yourself and the kids. He will try to disturb this, but he will slowly get curious of why you are not so available.
Hang in there girl, it is very hard right now, it will be still hard tomorrow, but it will get easier with time. I promise you.
