Ghost taking baby steps

[ATPeace]

How can you be a confident, attractive man if you are so dependent on your W? What is the point of me going into a long, detailed post about confidence, if you won't try to do what we advise? How many times have we tried, only for you to come back with more spinning? Are you even trying to prevent these repeated thoughts? When is your next IC session? Ok I have another IC session booked for next week during my previous sessions I have been talking about wanting to try and bring my W closer to me during the next session I will talk to her about be being codependent and my spinning Are you going to get help for yourself.......Or just continue doing whatever will impress your W, like going to some group of male abusers?sandi2 I do not even think this is about impressing her she does not give a damm,if I go or if I do not go this is about me trying to find myself and IF just IF I have not treated her the way that she wanted to be treated then I need to take a close look at why That is about the craziest thing I think you've done.......and don't you dare start telling about reading your W's book again! I am sick of hearing it, b/c I think you are misled by the whole thing. Sandie2 I am not sure if you understand how these programs work .....I chose to self enroll and since doing this I have come to realise that I have been controlling ..... I am starting to slowly understand how my W must have felt during our marriage trapped and unhappy ....I also I understand that theese were her choices she chose not to go out with her friends she did this to try and make me happy to reassure me ....I could tell you that my W has deep emotional problems and she has massive trust issues and that I feel that I did not do enough to help her during our marriage I feeI have let her down and I owe it to her as her husband to stand with her beside her or ....I just walk away walk on forward and leave her to try to put her life back together the best that she can.

One more time, Ghost........Stop being a people pleaser! Stop being a "yes dear" kind of man. Stop trying to please your W and stop trying to please your kids. You talk about how much you love your kids, but you just started doing all this stuff to win your W back. Am I doing this to win my W back at the beginning I would have agreed with you 100 percent however I am actually enjoying spending the time with my children and I do realise just how little time I did give to them when they were growing up and how this would have frustrated my W as she wanted me to spend time with my children and I did not spend enough time with them ....I realise she wanted to try and control me to spend the time with our children .....in a happy marriage is it not right that you should want to please your partner , Now, you are scared sh'tless b/c you may have to ask your boys to share a room?! And, god forbid that your W might give them better, b/c it will probably make them love her more than you. That's pathetic. sandi2 I actually think it is more that I am scared shi'tless that our family is about to be broken up splt in to two homes our children every three or four days moved from one house to the other for the good of WHAT ?? my wife's and my happiness how is this in the kids best interest...Sure I also think how the heck will I get over not seeing my W ...hardly a day has passed in 20 years that we have not seen each other I do struggle to get to grip on what life will be like with her not in my life ...perhaps she may also be having similar thoughts or perhaps she is stronger and does not give a sh1t I really do not know This type of stinking thinking has to stop NOW! It will lead you into a state of subservience to your kids, and they don't need you to be their servant, they need a strong male leader! Agreed I needs to be a strong leader and I also want to be the best dad that I can and that will that mean giving them nice things and doing things for my children putting them first at times unconditional love for them

Be your own person and do what you want.....not what your W wants. Stop trying to "win" her. You are so scared that nobody will love you, till you run everyone away by your craziness. The only thing you have done what has been suggested, is to spend more time with your kids. But you are doing it to get your W back, so your kids aren't getting the benefit. You spend time with them b/c you can continue on in your co-dependency and just call it being a good dad. When your W leaves, then your dependency on the kids will go into full drive. So my option Get a life for me...for the past 20 years my family have been my life I have lived to provide a home for them given my children the hobbies that they wanted my daughter a horse and my son his tennis ..they have never gone without I had my enjoyment from playing tennis two or three times a week. I thought was a loving husband as well it seems I screwed that bit right up.

You are a drowning man. If you don't try to save yourself, you will die. I am confused I am hurt and I am deeply distressed that my marriage is over, I love my family I love my W

If you are happy living in the house with your W, knowing you will never be any more to her than a friend.......The other option is not having her as a friend have the children see that we have parted and drag them into a life of separate houses ...no this is not want ai want absolutely not what I want and if that means me not being happy You aren't going to do what we say, anyway.

You are just trying to keep us attached b/c you don't have anyone to talk with you. Your post get more and more irrational. Get professional help for yourself.........NOT FOR THE MARRIAGE. I have an IC booked in for next week I will speak to her more about me and not about my marriage and working in being a better person

Please believe I am not trying to me difficult I do aprichate your advice and I am fighting to stay strong my option to grab my balls tell her I'm done and sell the house is not where I am right now sorry I truly am sorry yes I will work on me put me first but I am seeing a happier W over the past six months..

I love you all

Ghost