That is a lot of insight and learning. And reaching out and talking about wanting the pain to end is a big step. Keep doing what you are doing. The more you spend time taking care of yourself the more you will realise that you are more than capable of living life and creating a life that is worth living. For now the motivation will be for your children, it in the coming days, and months and years the motivation will be for yourself.
Ancaire, you have seen my struggles over recent months. Like you I don't know how to live a life that is just mine either. But I am figuring it out one day at a time. One risk, one adventure, one leap of faith at a time. It also a requires a certain amount of self confidence to live a life worth living. There are people on the planet who know naturally know how to do this. Others , ME, have to learn and develop skills and strategies to do it. I have told many, many clients that almost anything in life can be learned. So I am learning.
I would like to be further down this road. But I am here, and here needs to be good enough, in fact it needs to be paradise right now.
If I could go back in time to where I was this time last year I would tell myself a few things:
* crying non-stop for weeks at time doesn't kill you * that Mr Ex's desire for No contact will be the biggest blessing he could give you. * that living away from Mr Ex was also a blessing * that being alone doesn't kill you * that all feelings pass and most of them are complete lies you tell yourself * that you are a terrible mind reader * that you don't know everything * that because you don't know everything, anything you think you know for certain about yourself isn't necessarily right and isn't necessarily wrong. * that you are stronger than you think * that you don't have to do everything alone * that you are likeable, loveable, and worthy * that everyone else is not perfect and likely struggling too.
I am sure that some of the above applies to you too.
Ancaire I made a conscious decision that I wasn't going to let thoughts and feelings about Mr Ex define my mood and my happiness. No one has that right. Especially for people like us, whose demons and dragons are waiting for one person who feeds them.
