Updated/still thinking about next steps

[PigPen]

Just catching up a bit on this kyrie. I had addiction in my M as well and believe that your H knows it's a bigger deal than he's letting on - especially if he's a pastor.

Usually it's a numbing agent, like all addictions. It's not about sex or the porn itself, but the trance that he's able to get in when he's looking at it. All of his pain goes away for a few minutes. It's an opiate like Facebook is for some people and TV for others, he gets to tune out.

Porn is also an interesting addiction in that there is so much shame around it. I've told a number of people this year that I quit drinking - all applauded me. I've told a number of people this year that I quit smoking pot - all applauded me. I've told a number of people that I completely eliminated porn from my life as well - I got a lot of odd looks when I said it. Most of the men said, "Why did you do that, all guys looks at porn." No one ever said, "Why did you do that, all guys drink."

It's not cool to have a porn addiction, I commend Trumpet and Zues for talking about their struggles with it. I've spoken to other men this year who are completely trapped by it, having it ruin their marriages, cost them their jobs etc. Unlike alcohol and heroin though, you don't come back in at lunch after a porn binge and smell like booze or have glassy eyes, so most men with a problem with it have a much bigger problem than anyone knows.

I'm sorry you find yourself where you do, it's not an impossible situation, but it's a challenging one for sure. Zeus and Trumpet are giving you good advice, coming from the male perspective. Someone on here months ago wrote, "I'll never understand why a man would look at a computer screen when his real life wife was willing." She completely missed the mark. It's not about the porn, it's about the pain.

Sending you patience and strength.

PP