My personal opinion is you need some professional guidance around what your next steps might be. You are correct about trying to maintain a balanced view of knowing your H porn preferences and his behaviours towards your 14 year old daughter. You could well be feeling hypervigiliant about his behaviours, and seeing more there than what is, but you are being a protective mother too. If things have gotten to this point. Personally and professionally I would view this as a tipping point.
This needs to be handle delicately, and quite frankly there is no way to handle this without there being an initial cost. Any father, man is going to be defensive and scared and feeling accused and mistrusted raising Porn and his behaviour with your daughter.
You guys need professional support. There is a bottom line you need to find as a W and mother regarding your feelings about safety for your daughter. A strategic intervention is required, and some complete honesty with yourself is needed first. You need to work that out, sooner rather than later. The boards are not going to cut it.
My social worker hat has million things I want to ask and want to advise you to do. But this is not appropriate. Please, please contact Cristy to discuss your sitch, an initial one on one conversation with a counsellor, to formulate a plan would be a great starting place. You will be able to have a full and frank discussion. There are many questions that need to be asked that are not appropriate in an open forum like this, to complete an assessment of what would be the best fit for you and H and children.
