How can you be a confident, attractive man if you are so dependent on your W? What is the point of me going into a long, detailed post about confidence, if you won't try to do what we advise? How many times have we tried, only for you to come back with more spinning? Are you even trying to prevent these repeated thoughts? When is your next IC session? Are you going to get help for yourself.......Or just continue doing whatever will impress your W, like going to some group of male abusers? That is about the craziest thing I think you've done.......and don't you dare start telling about reading your W's book again! I am sick of hearing it, b/c I think you are misled by the whole thing.
One more time, Ghost........Stop being a people pleaser! Stop being a "yes dear" kind of man. Stop trying to please your W and stop trying to please your kids. You talk about how much you love your kids, but you just started doing all this stuff to win your W back. Now, you are scared sh'tless b/c you may have to ask your boys to share a room?! And, god forbid that your W might give them better, b/c it will probably make then love her more than you. That's pathetic. This type of stinking thinking has to stop NOW! It will lead you into a state of subservience to your kids, and they don't need you to be their servant, they need a strong male leader!
Be your own person and do what you want.....not what your W wants. Stop trying to "win" her. You are so scared that nobody will love you, till you run everyone away by your craziness. The only thing you have done what has been suggested, is to spend more time with your kids. But you are doing it to get your W back, so your kids aren't getting the benefit. You spend time with them b/c you can continue on in your co-dependency and just call it being a good dad. When your W leaves, then your dependency on the kids will go into full drive.
You are a drowning man. If you don't try to save yourself, you will die.
If you are happy living in the house with your W, knowing you will never be any more to her than a friend.......then have at it. You aren't going to do what we say, anyway. You are just trying to keep us attached b/c you don't have anyone to talk with you. Your post get more and more irrational. Get professional help for yourself.........NOT FOR THE MARRIAGE.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
