Updated/still thinking about next steps

[Zues126]

I think this will be my last post on this thread. I think I have said almost everything I have to say.

Trumpet, please read my last post. I think an intervention is the absolute opposite direction she should even contemplate. Talking about her H being controlling, more taking the focus off Kyrie.

I am walking a balance here. I am really proud of you stepping up and taking on the harsh reality of owning your behavior and making positive changes. The challenge is that right now that's the center of your world. You sound like someone that recently converted to a religion and is now seeing their religion as the only solution to the problems of everyone you meet, and find yourself preaching to the cashier's at the gas station. I think that you are fighting an internal battle to remain abstinent, and that in fighting that battle you are repeating this narrative to yourself all day to keep strong. You are clinging to it because it's the only chance of holding onto your M, and holding on to your future. I appreciate that. I do. And in your experience the way it played out is that WAW left you, you quit porn, and now in your narrative she realizes that you are capable of change, you reconscile, and you live happily ever after. And you want that story to play out here.

The problem is that hasn't happened for you, this is a different couple, and you aren't talking to Kyrie's H here, you are talking to Kyrie. And what SHE should do is drastically different than what her H should do.

Even in your case you will be tested again, very strongly...what happens when you realize that WAW doesn't care about the porn anymore and is gone for good? What happens when the payoff you thought you'd get from quitting porn isn't what you expected? You mention addicts and controlling behavior, how do you know you're not still trying to control your WAW by doing everything you can to get what you want from her? And that once you realize you can't control her your motivation wanes?

I am not saying this is the case Trumpet, but this is exactly what happened to me. Twice after quitting for over 90 days I started using porn again. Both times I thought I had it handled, but the stuff we tell ourselves and reality are two different things.

Anyway, I'm not projecting onto you all of the things I struggled with, again, we're different people as well. But I am hoping you give it some thought and tread lightly with other people's situations.

Me, I'm not announcing any bold conclusions or actions or anything like that...the only platform I am standing on is not being conclusive, taking drastic actions, or putting the focus on H's behavior.