Updated/still thinking about next steps

[trumpet]

But does wide berth mean to leave him alone - don't make much contact at all? What about his forced discussions he wants to do to "hash through" all of our many problems? I've tried to just listen & validate, etc. We did that for a few months. It was hard, but I did my best.
He regularly says he needs support, community, emotional connection. All my attempts are met with rejection, hostility, etc. Unless its physical, then sometimes he'll respond. I try not to have *ANY* expectations and no reaction when he rejects. But it gets hurtful and I want to learn why/what I could do better. I ask and he either says he can't really say or that I should know by now and therefore I'm a bad fit/bad wife for him. OUCH.

Yes, a wide berth means your support for him is gone. You focus on kids and yourself, and of course interact with him, but no R talk. Your attempts are trying to break thru that bunker of a shell he has around his heart. You're not going to get thru, unless he feels that he'll lose something most dear to him.

You can't do anything better right now. This isn't a case of 'do more for my spouse', it's a case of letting him see the wall he's leaning against go away.