Updated/still thinking about next steps

[kyrie]

Last night, right or wrong, I gently asked directly, "are you using porn?" and he said, "I have periodically made that mistake, yes". I asked, throughout our marriage? And he answered periodically. Then went on to say it's not chronic (but in reality, it has been lately - he didn't admit that part - he doesn't know that I see his internet use).
We discussed it some and then got quiet. Mostly I listened, asking that if he felt tempted to please let me know. He said he was tempted when he felt isolated, usually something that I've done or not done. I said that's a terrible feeling and I hate that you've felt that way. I know I need to work on respectfulness and other things.
Then we watched a show for a bit and we were both tired. I headed to bed, as usual. He stayed in the reclining chair, as usual. I went out to him and asked if he just wanted to stay up and he nodded, so I said good night & went to bed. An hour later (after more drinking) he woke me.
He said, I just gave you a huge weapon against me, and I told you that its because I feel isolated - you said you knew that was a bad feeling. And yet you left and went to bed, isolating me.
Groggily I repeated what I said... and then said what did you want from me? To initiate? After hearing about that? Its hard to process all of this, and you want me to initiate?? On top of that, recent times when I've initiated or just reached a hand out to you, you've rejected me, so I'm really confused about all of this.
He reacted and said more about how I don't do things the way he wants me to (around the house or how I talk to him). I can't even remember if I responded or not. But at some point I made it clear that I always want to touch, always have affectionate feelings. Then I reached over and touched his arm and he backed off. Then he said something terrible - that I was more like a mother or trying to be his husband or pastor and not at all ladylike in how I am (not appearance but behavior). Ok, I never do boyish things - fart or burp in front of him, etc. Then he said it was in how I spoke to him. In the past, this was probably true. Not always but enough. But now I've been actively trying to be Ms. Womanly Arts, esp. around him. Demure, waiting, holding my tongue...
I'm really confused. Do I do as he says and "pursue" him, physically, esp. or do I back off, as DBing seems to suggest here.
So confusing.

At least he answered mostly honestly. He denied it was chronic, even though it is right now. Nevertheless, he did not deny it. I tried to acknowledge that was very hard for him to do, but he reject that with a huge sigh of disgust and eye-roll.