Well look at you reaching out for help and support when you need it!
Awesomeness!! This is good! This is progress!
That bloody Alice in Wonderland tunnel and that f***ing rabbit. Follow them and you end up in the oddest and scariest of places. But it sounds like you found a source of light down there and a way back. I'm pleased because the darkness down there and the way the light plays means sometimes you can see things that aren't there or believe the illusion of it all.
Now to stop falling down the rabbit hole at all.
Be kind to yourself today Ancaire. These episodes take it out of you physically and emotionally. It's back to basics, whatever is written down on yourself care plan do it. Likely I would say your body and heart need you to rest. If sleep comes let it. Did you make it to your psych, in recent weeks, I know we talked about it before, when you had your last trip down the rabbit hole. Did it help, is there a plan.
You seem to be a bit like me, cycling about 4-6 weeks. Triggers???? Do you know what set it off?? Hormonal maybe, together with time of year and unhelpful people (that's a euphemism for H). I know the impending feeling of major change coming is likely an anxiety trigger. I also find too that trying to keep my mood elevated is really draining, and can eventually trigger me to a depressive crash. Sometimes faking it till you make it is not the right formula. Keeping it real is. A bit of mindfulness of yeah that is me feeling- angry, sad, overwhelmed is more helpful than denying it.
Hang in there Baby, you got this, Keep posting. As I said the other day I am around the boards, likely unhelpful as you are awake when I am sleeping and vice versa. We'll make it work. There is lots of love here for you Ancaire. The brain heals with large doses of love. Those funny white coated scientists have proved it to be so. So come here an lap up the love.
You slayed the dragon another time Ancaire. Rest now.
