WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

So really, I agree with a lot of what you're saying...but you do not need to make any conclusions about the future to do this, and you do not need to try to control WW's behavior. So saying you're 'done' or 'sending her messages' is all a bad idea. I'd actually like you to be done while walking a road that doesn't burn bridges so that if she changed into a person in the future that could be a good partner you reserve the right to reevaluate. You can also know that you did the right thing as a man. Can you go with those semantics?

Thank you for this clarification, Zeus. It helped a lot. Indeed, I think I have been feeling like DBing required me to "stay in" while also detaching which seemed like a contradiction. I do think that I can go with these semantics... and the only questions I'm pondering now is whether I can do it while still living together, and for how long can I hold off before I feel like I need to file for D myself to feel a sense of closure. Even if I do file for D, there is a minimum delay of 3 months required by state law, so that does give some built-in time for us to change our minds if it comes to that.

So, although I really do feel "done", I definitely see the value of not rushing things by filing for D right away... I would like to make a real effort to GAL and detach for awhile without burning any bridges, to leave room for a miracle. I do find it hard to walk this fine line without slipping back into attachment though.

For starters, I'm going to just give it some time and work on detachment while we're still living together. If I find that to be impossible then I may need to reassess and consider taking steps toward establishing greater physical distance. It's quite possible that she may take that step first, in which case my plan would be to not resist.