Updated/still thinking about next steps

[kyrie]

So much to respond to here! Thank you, all.
The "never good enough" concept plays out in every aspect of our marriage. Our sex life actually is pretty good, all things considered. It's that I'm never good at being a cook, a friend, a housekeeper (oh, did I mention I'm the sole provider, really, for the family? - neither of us likes this sitch but its how we survive. Does he do housework? Nearly none.)
Yes, counter-intuitive behaviors. He is scared of his other self. I've seen it, and am familiar with it, though he thinks it's not something I can handle. I have. He resents that he was wrong about that too. Maybe he'll never feel like that rope won't break.