Thanks, guys! I suppose the time to worry about me is when I get too quiet. That is usually when I am fighting battles that are taking place on the inside. It's embarrassing - but it is part of my life, and has been for a really long time.
Depression doesn't usually make me this low...I'm just so damned tired. Tired of the pain, of the questions, of the fear. Tired of the self-doubt, the constant thoughts of "it's all my fault" circling round and round and round...I'm tired of being sick, of physically hurting day in and day out. Damn it! Now I'm crying and typing.
I'm staring at a picture of the kids right this minute. Their precious faces, their sweet souls. They are worth it for me to keep fighting, even though I am just. so. tired.
I do pray...I pray all the time. I just don't understand so many things. I wonder what the purpose in making me this way was? Why am I so broken? What purpose does it serve? We all have a unique path, with different things we are supposed to learn. I try and remember that.
I can say all the right things to someone else...and I've got nothing for myself. I'm trying to reach out for once. It's not something I'm really good at - but I'm learning. I don't want to alarm anyone. That scares me, too. So many good, kind-hearted people here.
I appreciate you all more than you will probably ever know.
