More and more, and less and less...

[Sotto]

The way I see it is, the one year past D timescale is pretty sensible. And I think if you have kids it pays to err on the cautious side with timescales - JMHO of course.

For me, BD1 was March 2014, when I discovered my H was having an EA (which became or already was a PA.) It looks as though our D may be finalised this coming spring, which means no dating for me until Spring next year. It feels about right not to date this year - but who knows, as the year goes on I may start to feel differently.

The way I see it, it's a 'no lose' situation anyway. If you want to stand for your M until it is a 'healthy' time post D to start dating again. For me, if I do this, I will have stood for my M for 3 years after BD1 and I think I will feel able to move on knowing I gave a good amount of time and effort - even when it wasn't pleasant to do, and even when I didn't really feel like it and wasn't sure if I wanted the M in any case.

I think all of that is far better in the longer term than getting involved with a new person too soon. We are far more likely to regret getting involved with someone too soon. I've never seen anyone post that they waited too long before starting to date! In my divorce recovery workshop, many people were a few years post divorce. And there was a pattern. Many became involved with a new person quickly. That R failed for whatever reason after a couple of years, and they then had to go back and deal with both the loss of the M and the subsequent R..

Anyway - just my thoughts on the subject - take care xx