RD - I just wrote a long rambling post about deciding to thrive, after all. Then I came here and read your post. Your timing could not have been more perfect!
I am determined to thrive. I am determined to become in a way I never would have been had all this not happened in the first place. Did I mess up in the marriage? Of course. Am I responsible for it breaking apart? No. That was H's decision, not mine. He needs to do whatever it is he thinks he needs to do in order to find happiness. He hasn't discovered yet what I've learned since coming here. Happiness, true happiness, is not found in any external place. It comes from within - from being true to yourself, and learning to find gratitude in any situation.
I'm learning, and I'm growing. Will that lead me back to H? I don't know. He can't be my concern at the moment. My kids are. I am. I'm changing in a way that is, without question, for the better. I'm learning to be happy in spite of all the chaos around me. I've distilled my life down to things that matter. Trying to control someone else? Not on my list of things that matter.
The message I needed was that it is about patience and not trying to see into the future. I have ONE thing I can control right now...me. I didn't get to be the person I am now in a day. I won't become the person I want to be in a day, either. But each day, I can focus on the steps I need to take in order to get me there.
Thank you for your words, RD. I needed them right now.
