I follow most sitches and comment on a few. It's painful to see the newcomers arrive and see them struggle with trying to understand the how's and whys.
We all seem to think that our sitch is unique and of course it is to a point but generally they are all the same. We've been rejected and maybe the cause is us or MLC or some other reason It's happened and we need to control how we deal with it.
I think the hardest part for me was understanding that all I could control me I'm a fixer and I wanted to fix this I started I/C and then L/C and still see L/C and have grasped that W has chosen her own path. We are together 25 years and it's still heartbreaking that the M is over but it had to be accepted for my own mental health
My own sitch has its own unique parts. W left the home and the kids live with me 24/7. My youngest daughter does stay with W one night a week but other kids see W in our home 3 days a week for 2/3 hours. I do all cleaning , cooking , etc but W will prepare 2/3 meals a week for kids.
W has been diagnosed as depressed and appears to be spiralling downward but I accept this is her choice.
My approach to W is to stay out of her way and I don't really get involved in her life unless she is stuck or very upset. I have decided there is no chance of reconciliation and once that's accepted things do get easier I still analyse but I don't dwell because there is no point.
Moving forward is a tough one life is busy and I'm not looking for an R. I still find myself wondering about the future and will I be really happy again but I know I'm over the despair stage and that's a real blessing.
My thoughts to the many struggling on here is do your best to step back from what's happening right now in your sitch. Accept for now that the M is over and use your energy to become the you that you want to be
I wouldn't let current pain and hurt from WAS colour your view right now because things change , feeli ngs change and the future isnt written in stone
The DB path is one that will bring you through this whatever the outcome. In some ways I would advise you to give yourself up to it because long term it does make great sense. Again , we all have unique twists to our sitchs but the base line of DB will get you through.
one last thing and maybe the most important , patience is all important. The WAS didn't get to this point over night so whatever is going to happen in the future , it also won't happen overnight. Months or years are what your looking at so maybe with that in mind it might make it easier for you to move forward for you
