I agree with Zues on marriages and intimate partnerships being made up for flawed people. The porn is not the primary issue and your addressing it through confrontation is only going to make your H defensive. If anyone is going to name the porn as an addiction, it needs to be H and a therapist.
Right now you too are mirroring back to each disconnection, mistrust, anger and resentment. These are the things to work through now. The porn, H anger, the affair, his lack of integrity between his behaviour and his ministry, this all needs to come out later. Not now.
This is why I asked about the past and what brought you two together. You can't start this Dbing journey trying to identity for all the problems and talk through them - right now.
Slow down and take a breath. Just keep focussing on keeping things calm and quiet. Do this the best you can while H is spewing.
