Jpeg - I'm so happy that you've got a "happy" kind of memory! That'll go a long way towards not letting his actions destroy all the fun of the trip.
How did you find out it was OW who told him to break down the door? That's kind of odd. Did she go in the house with him? That would make me about as angry as I could be! I WOULD be pressing charges if he broke down the door and invited her in. Your L would probably have a lot to say about that, too.
What an interesting tale. After H threatened to throw me out on the street, I advised him I was changing the locks. He turned purple with rage...it would've been funny, except I was so hurt/angry that he would say such a thing to begin with. Judges don't tend to look favorably on a cheating spouse treating the non-cheating one like trash. I was really happy to learn that!
Jpeg, my H lives there. I go down to see him a couple of times a month. It was a very quiet and uneventful New Years.
I thought about moving there when I sold my house, but opted to stay closer to my children, family and friends. Funny thing is, I think me making the decision to get my own place and start my "new" life up here and not where my H was, scared him.
I did all of it on my own. Partly renovated the house, sold it, found a new place and moved all my stuff. Got mostly all new or new to me furniture. I purged my old life, including everything that reminded or had anything to do with H. I even gave him every single one of our wedding photos. Seriously, besides my wedding and engagement ring, there is nothing in this place that is connected to him. I had moved forward in my life without him. I'm still moving forward without him. At Christmas he told me that he doesn't want me to move on and be with anyone else. That he misses me and wants to stay married, but give him time to get his head straight. When I go see him now we just try to have a good time. I don't bring up R talk and just let things go for now. Who knows what the future will bring. I'm grateful that I still have H in my life, but will be mindful in 2016 to put myself first and do what's best for me.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Tx when you have some time ( not tonight - celebrate with your W) I'd love for you to tell me what u would say
I'd personalize it on the fly when I met him but basically it's my discussion about what it means to be a man. A good man. Being a good man is not the easier path. It's easier to be a bad man. A man without honor or integrity. A selfish man. That's a much "easier" path to follow than being a good man. An honorable man. A man of integrity. I'd ask him, however, to think about good men and bad men he has known in his life. Think about how he feels about them and how others feel about them. Think of traits that each display. Ask him what kind of man he wants to be. What does he want friends and family to think of him? When he is alone with just his thoughts, what does he want to think of himself?
From the minute we're born we all write the story of our lives. Everyone we'll ever know are characters in that story but we are the main character. Who type of character do we want to be in our life story, the hero or the villain?
They're just things I learned in the Marines and through life experience. Being a great man is hard work and none of us are perfect but we should work toward being the best men we can be every day of our lives.
Engaging in extra-marital affairs can never be part of being a good man. Affairs are full of lies, deceit, betrayal. People who would engage in such behavior of their own free will can never be good people. Their poor decisions, lies, betrayals, etc. will haunt them every minute of their lives. They'll engage in all sorts of other self-destructive behaviors to try and quiet their conscience but it will always be there haunting them until the minute they die. When we're on our deathbed who among us wants to look back and review their lives and think about what a horrible person they were. Who wants to carry that karma with them to the next phase?
If the jackass will just stop and think about these things even for 2 minutes, it might be enough for him to save his soul and the story of his life. Otherwise he's a lost soul and he'll be tormented by his own guilt for the rest of his existence.
I do not disagree with what you are saying, but how do you forgive if you feel a person that engages in this behavior can never be a good person?
Do you consider a person that leaves his family without Affair in the same category? (My husband denies Affair, I know it's hard to believe) my husband supposedly didn't lie, but his actions (refusing to support financially) were pretty selfish.
Thank you for the line " we should work torwards being the best man we can be every day of our lives". your comment is helping to remind me that i should remain honorable despite my feelings of pain. That I will truly win, if I remain honorable. And winning is important to me.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I do not disagree with what you are saying, but how do you forgive if you feel a person that engages in this behavior can never be a good person?
Do you consider a person that leaves his family without Affair in the same category? (My husband denies Affair, I know it's hard to believe) my husband supposedly didn't lie, but his actions (refusing to support financially) were pretty selfish.
Thank you for the line " we should work torwards being the best man we can be every day of our lives". your comment is helping to remind me that i should remain honorable despite my feelings of pain. That I will truly win, if I remain honorable. And winning is important to me.
They can redeem themselves and become good people again but can never be a good person as long as they are engage in an extra-marital affair. Good person and affair participant are mutually exclusive concepts.
Your husband also did a dishonorable thing. He broke his vows to you and his sacred duty as a father by not supporting the children. He is clearly currently the villain of his life story. Unless he is a sociopath that behavior will haunt him. People like that end up alone in the end and very bitter. Good people very rarely end up alone. They are usually surrounded by those who love them at the end.
Your and my life stories were hit with huge heartbreak. My wife had an extremely hurtful affair. Your husband walked out. I'm glad you spoke of remembering to do the right things. It's in these adversities where we find our character. It's easy to do the right things when everything is working out in our lives. Where you find your true character is how you respond to the devastating events in your life. Just remember that every single day you're writing your life story. Make it an epic tale that would make a great movie some day. This thing that happened is just one bad thing. Maybe one bad thing in a lifetime of adventures. Focus on you and the children. Don't let him drag you down any longer. You have too much worth to allow that to happen.
Jpeg - I'm behind you 100%. The absolute worst thing for me about the night I went crazy? The horrible fall-out. I've always been honorable. I care about things like morals. I am happy to be able to say I have dignity. I've always conducted myself like a lady.
To be featured on the evening news (incorrectly, I must add) as a nutcase who ran down some stranger and purposefully hit his vehicle thinking it was my H? That blow nearly killed me. My reputation is in tatters. I was crying and hit a parked car! I have ZERO desire to contact the news station and attempt to "straighten them out". I have a feeling that would be like throwing chum into a shark tank.
The fact that H and his friend had me thrown in jail, on purpose, in order to play divorce games, is something that wounds me deeply. They couldn't have hit me with anything worse. I've survived the affair. I've survived the knowledge that H has been betraying me on various levels for the past few years. I almost couldn't survive the loss of my dignity.
Stay true to who you are. You are a fine woman. Your H reminds me so much of mine. Whatever demon is driving them is causing them to destroy their lives in a way that is absolutely heartbreaking. Be the strong one. If he ever wakes up to what he is doing, he is going to need you so very badly to be strong.
That's part of the reason I'm working so hard on me. I can't do much with H at the moment, other than be the strong one. I'm working hard on that. If (I'm praying for when) H ever returns to himself, the damage he's done is going to destroy him when he realizes it. I'll have to be strong, or he will sink and have nowhere to go. This is taxing my ability to forgive in a way nothing could. But I try to live my life by the golden principle, "What would Jesus Do?" He'd remind me that I'm not perfect. I've made plenty of mistakes. So, since I can't cast any stones, I need to choose love and forgiveness.
This is my choice. I'm choosing to take this route of standing, while working on myself, so that I can be true to myself and my beliefs. A piece of paper isn't going to undo a vow I made, and meant, to God! I'm still married. It'll be lonely - but at least I'll have my dignity and a clean conscience.
