Communication with ex-wife

[Bobbyb]

Starting a new thread (not sure if I am doing this right, I know you should link to old thread)

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2619078#Post2619078

Divorce has been final a month now, but I am still divorcebusting. I still love my ex and I am working on moving forward with or without her.

I haven't really spoken to her in at least a month. I did text her a Merry Christmas and she texted Merry Christmas back.
I found myself yesterday needing to get in contact with her. I needed to find a check book and I thought she might have it.
After texting her and asking her to check for it. I called her and she answered. But she was like. "I'm really busy right now and can't talk" I was able to ask her about the check book but I guess I expected a nicer response.
It's probably because I have feelings for her and she doesn't for me. Or that's how it feels.
I mentioned this to a friend and he was like. Yeah she doesn't want to be bothered by you, you're nothing to her anymore.
I guess it just feels like a blow to any hope I feel I have to getting my marriage back.
Thoughts?

[Cadet]

I guess I expected a nicer response.

You know what those expectations can do to us

I guess it just feels like a blow to any hope I feel I have to getting my marriage back.
Thoughts?

Here is my belief on this subject.

YOU get to decide when your marriage is truly over, not her.
YOU are divorced, legally, so you must continue to MOVE FORWARD and live your life "as if" she is never coming back.
YOU make yourself into a person that only a FOOL would leave.

Probably around the time that you don't care and are completely healed, she may look back to you and express regret.

So put whatever your feelings for her away in a strong box.
Put the box in your closet high up and out of the way on a shelf.
Later in your life you can take the box down dust it off and look inside to see what is left.

I do believe that in the end the LBS get to make the FINAL decision on the marriage.
If you have not gotten to make this decision yet then it is not yet the end.

[Bobbyb]

Thank you Cadet
I'm sure I'm just experiencing emotions all the lbs feel.
Just feeling insignificat to a former significate other.

[Azzork]

Yes. Now you know that nothing in her has changed since yesterday. Or last week. Or last month.

Just keep going down your path. Hers may intersect with yours again.

[Bobbyb]

Thanks
Glad Holidays are almost over

[Bobbyb]

Well i contacted my ex today.....obviously she did not want to talk to me.
I was just asking for her help with some money.
See we took loan out together for $70,000 with my house as collateral. Well somehow I got stuck with $60,000 of $70,000 in court..I agreed to it so it legally binding. But half of the loan went to her.
I contacted her hoping to see some compassion in her and helping me more with the loan.
She makes 4 times as much money as me..I told if the roles were reversed I would help her out.
She did not want to talk about it. Said she still gets angry and anxious to talk to me.
I was practically begging for some help.
Now she says she is blocking my phone calls

[Bobbyb]

I had done a good job of not contacting her. Now I wonder if I undid any good I had done.
She sure sounded the same as the last time I had talked to her.
She doesn't want to talk about anything with me.

[rd500]

Hi Bobby. Tough place to be but maybe if the courts decided then you have to accept what is

I wouldn't worry to much about undoing any good but I would learn from it

I have a friend in the UK and one of his buddies was a LBS for 5 years !!!! This guy had moved on and hadn't spoken to his EX for almost two years when she contacted him out of the blue asking to reconcile. They did and now back together for almost 4'yesrs.

I'm not trying to give hope but showing that you never know what the WAS is thinking.

The No contact is what she wants so give it to her. Deal with your issues ( financial and otherwise ) and move forward.

Cadet is right , nothing's over until you decide it is

Take care. Rd

[Bobbyb]

My ex-wife had dinner with my 2 daughters last night..my girls are 18 22.
I tried not to ask them much.
I guess it made me hope that seeing them would make her think about our good times.
I catch myself analyzing everything.
I just miss what we had.

[- MB -]

Bobby, I'm so very sorry that you're hurting! I'm right there with you hurting and missing my H. He gave me a glimmer of hope and then pulled it right back away. I hope you can move forward and find some peace in your life. It has eluded me so far. Keep posting, GAL, and just try to stay busy while you're moving forward. We are all here for you if you need us.