WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

Zues said:
"I think in general setting the goal to not make any conclusions for 3-6 months, and just walking the road in front of you and becoming the best man you can be and in a consistent manner with your core beliefs, GALing, 180ing, and detaching...this is what you should be doing. And yes, this means you let go of the M. But letting go isn't the same as throwing it away."

The last two sentences are hitting home for me today...

JGuy, does this last paragraph make sense?
Can you do this? Are you ready to do this? Do you WANT to do this? Willpower, my friend. Willpower.

I am definitely onboard with GALing, 180ing, and detaching while also holding an intention to save the M, but when I visualize trying to do this while staying in the same house as my W while she continues with the A, it is unbearably miserable for me. So, unfortunately the answer is no, I don't want to do this. I don't feel like I have it in me to truly detach as much as it would take while also still holding onto an intention to save the M. It would just be too painful. I'm also concerned about giving my W the message that I don't respect myself. I am willing to DB and be patient as long as she doesn't continue with the A, but if she does, I'm out. I don't advocate that this is the right choice for everyone, but I have consistently felt pretty strongly from the start of my DB journey that it would be the end of the road for me if she decides to continue with the A.

Here's the thing: The fact that she has continued to be dishonest while continuing the A violates everything that a M is all about for me, on such a deep level. After all of the recent conversations we've had about honesty, after she has promised that she would finally start being honest now, after she had reassured me multiple times that she has learned her lesson. This really is the last straw for me and there MUST be consequences. If in response to this I don't change my actions in some very noticeable way that shows I have self-respect, then how can I possibly expect her to respect me? Several of you have given me this exact advice on my thread.

So, I need to send her a clear message that I'm done with being treated in this way, and that I now want "out". What "out" means is still something I'm semi-flexible on, and how quickly I get "out" is also flexible. This is where I would really like everyone's input right now. I still want to take it slow, not burn any bridges unnecessarily, and since she doesn't know that I know about her most recent breach of honesty, this buys me some time to carefully prepare my response.

As you know, I have a growing ambivalence about wanting to save the M myself, and this is seriously going to limit the amount of determination I am able to muster at this point. I am still open to being surprised by a miracle, but I definitely don't think I could last for 3-6 months while she continues with the A. Is there any other way?? Perhaps if my response to this latest breach could serve as a wake up call to her that I am serious about my boundaries and that she really is going to lose me if she continues with the A, then there might be a chance. The problem is that I have zero trust in her. I'm feeling very sick about snooping as it violates my own values and don't want to do it anymore. So, not snooping means that I will have no clue if she is continuing with the A or not.

I am back to thinking about the LRT. Could my response to this latest breach of honesty be used as a launchpad for initiating the LRT? I don't know how long I would last, but I might be willing to at least start trying it to see where it takes me. I am willing to delay my urge to file for D immediately if there's a chance that this could work.