Feeling Numb

[V2pt0]

Hello E, your plan to make your school/classroom an oasis of sustainability sounds amazing!! What mini goals have you set to help make that happen??

Your H will be out if the house soon and I think you will feel like you can actually breathe again and one better job if detaching. I know for me it was hard not to feel like I was walking on egg shells sometimes.

I am finally coming out of my pity party I had the week before Christmas. Feeling a bit alive again. You can do it!!

[Elly4]

Thanks, BT. Eggshells are right. I'm dreading every day in some ways. In others, I'm loving the time with our S.

Mini steps, making sure all my lessons are viewed through the sustainability lens. So how can I work in environmentalism, social justice, and/or economic equality even if I'm teaching prepositions. Making sure to connect my students to nature at least once a day, starting an aggressive recycling/composting program, and have my students create a book together that shows where our community base came from and how they created that base despite or because of the diversity of culture.

[mutatio]

I teach high school Tech Ed.

[Elly4]

Neat! My masters is in teaching with technology.

[mutatio]

I am trying to modernize an "old school" program. I teach wood shop. I bought a computer controlled CO2 Laser last year and hope to get a 3D printer this year.

[Elly4]

That sounds like a challenge.

Well H came home for an hour and then left again. He seemed surprised to hear I was taking our S to a party. I was invited this morning and thought, what the heck. So we had a lovely time there, took a long sleigh ride with our neighbor, and watched last year's ball drop and yelled yea. Great thing about his age is that he has no clue when it actually happens. Now curled up with a good book.

Happy New Year all!

E

[mutatio]

Happy New Year Elly

[Zephyr]

I am soooooooooo glad you went to that party! He was suprised, that is good....shows you are doing things for you for a change!

I went to a party last night, well kinda a party...there was no drinking (which techmically still makes it a party but just barely - wufe getting over a cold and didnt want to be the only one, and i was DD). We havent gone out on NYE in Years.

Take the invitations when they come. Never know what fun and adventure we will find when we open our front door snd walk through.

[Elly4]

And the same to you, Mutatio! I hope it was a great night for you and that the new year brings you happiness.

E

[Elly4]

Thanks Zephyr! I can't tell you how many times I almost backed out from it during the day. I lost count. I almost made the good choice to walk to the party as it was only a mile away. Exercise and fun at the same time.

I still get mad at myself for how I let him undermine my parenting skills. I know I am as good as parent as any, but he makes me question myself. Example, today our S was tired and cranky, not a surprised with a late night. He kept having mini meltdowns and I would help him through them by finding a solution without giving into his demands. The last time I did it, my H muttered about spoiling. When I asked him what he was said or was thinking, he told me nothing, but his fist was tight. So then I asked if he thought I was doing it wrong. He didn't answer. So I started in my head double thinking things.

I mean I was helping a 4 year old get through a tired day that I created with our fun last night. None of the meltdowns were behavioral, just not being able to handle frustration or small changes. Very normal for the age and each time, I helped him to figure out a solution. I think that's more helpful than letting him cry for 40 minutes.

And yet on here, I'm still trying to explain myself. Arrgghh!