I also think the porn is something he CAN control. I get that. It's also his way to spite me, in a passive aggressive way. I get that too. So I usually back off & try to make things peaceable, friendly, even loving & supportive.
He still says I'm not making *any* effort and acts aggressively towards me. He rejects my every effort to support all those "basics" that you mentioned. It's probably a control thing.
UGH. I'm so stuck.

Me: 42, H: 38
Married: 12 years (second M for me)
14D, 9D
2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC

At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?