I've wanted to do that, too. Show him passages and say, "See? This is us! We can fix this if we work at it!" but I know that H doesn't want to hear it...right now. Maybe someday.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
That's a good thing as it shows that he still thinks about you. H didn't text me happy new year, nor did he say it when he turned up tonight! Appreciate it
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Thanks Rouky, Gmum and NYGal. I saw it as a good sign too but just don't dare to hope. I still can't really believe he sent it. He came round for literally 5 minutes this afternoon on his way to work. All he did was tell kids he would see them tomorrow and then stood awkwardly in the kitchen as I was emptying the dishwasher. Eventually he said that someone at work's relative has terminal cancer (his Mum died of cancer in February). I just acknowledged that it is awful and then he left for work. He can't even look me in the eyes when he says goodbye. Guilt I guess. So strange to act like that after texting happy new year only a few hours earlier.
Thanks Rouky, Gmum and NYGal. I saw it as a good sign too but just don't dare to hope. I still can't really believe he sent it. He came round for literally 5 minutes this afternoon on his way to work. All he did was tell kids he would see them tomorrow and then stood awkwardly in the kitchen as I was emptying the dishwasher. Eventually he said that someone at work's relative has terminal cancer (his Mum died of cancer in February). I just acknowledged that it is awful and then he left for work. He can't even look me in the eyes when he says goodbye. Guilt I guess. So strange to act like that after texting happy new year only a few hours earlier.
I agree with the others; it does seem to be a good sign that he is still thinking of you. He is probably very undecided on his feelings. You are doing very well, better than I am, at staying aloof and detached,even though you are sharing your pain and thoughts with us. You can do this! He seems to be really rather mixed up, but missing you?
I think my H is more leaning out, and him having the support of long time friends will make DB almost ineffective. Your H, on the other hand, seems to be leaning in. Keep Doing what you are doing, it seems to be having an effect.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
]I agree with the others; it does seem to be a good sign that he is still thinking of you. He is probably very undecided on his feelings. You are doing very well, better than I am, at staying aloof and detached,even though you are sharing your pain and thoughts with us. You can do this! He seems to be really rather mixed up, but missing you?
My heart tells me that he is just mixed up and missing me but my head tells me it is all just his guilt Ciluzen. He has always been someone who likes to come off as looking squeaky clean and a great guy and he must know that what he is doing right now portrays neither of those attributes! The last R talk we had he said he knows he is doing the right thing because he hasn't missed me at all. Not one little bit. He doesn't miss a single thing about me he says. My Mum says I should reply with, "I'm not missing you either because I see you every day!" Tempting but not really consistent with DBing.
Originally Posted By: ciluzen
I think my H is more leaning out, and him having the support of long time friends will make DB almost ineffective. Your H, on the other hand, seems to be leaning in. Keep Doing what you are doing, it seems to be having an effect.
It does seem like your H has a lot of support unfortunately. I think my H seems to be leaning in more because of the age of our children compared to yours though. I'm trying really hard to not see positive signs even though I do (shhh, don't tell anyone lol!)
There is nothing wrong in hoping. Just have no expectations until you have full commitment from H.
Yes, that is the hard bit, trying to hope without expectations. H does an excellent job of knocking both hope and expectations out of me anyway so it's all good .
Feeling upset/angry today. After H's five minute visits the last two days and the 'let's go out for breakfast' on Wednesday morning for an hour you would think he would be desperate to see his kids and spend some quality time with them on his weekend off wouldn't you? He only gets one weekend off in 9 where he is actually off during the day and night. This weekend is one of those weekends. He text at lunchtime to say that he is just sorting his food shopping, did I need the car and he'll be round to see the kids later if it's OK. I text back that I don't need the car and asked what time he'd be round. His reply was, "Teatime ish but if you're not in it's fine." What?!?! It's fine if you don't see your kids again today?! S is getting increasingly upset and angry about Dad just popping in for five minutes and doing nothing with them. I've seen other people post this and I'm starting to feel it myself. How can I contemplate R with a person who is prepared to do that to his kids? No doubt he will be spending the afternoon drinking with FIL again. I'm starting to hate him for abandoning the kids.
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