2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[Irish M]

First off, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016

I also want to thank everyone for their support. JOB, 123Gwen, MLeigh4, LouR, bttrfly, mirage, Peacetoday, AJM, brightfuture, RD500, kml, Sotto, Delboy, and many many more.

I am blessed to have the support you all give me.

recap from last week.

21st December : Wife reached out to the D's , wanted to give them their Xmas gift. D's refused to see her. The messaged her. She then messaged me. Wanted me to convince them to see her. I said no.

W wanted to hear it from them personally on the phone. I told W they would call her that night since I will be at the dentist with D15 that afternoon. W called the dentist to see if i was lying. ?? wow .

I convinced my D's to talk to their mom. Wasn't easy, so that evening the D's spoke to their mom. It wasn't pretty.
I ended up talking to W after . W threatened me, she wanted me to force them to see her on the 24th for a lunch. If i didn't W would never sign any forms to allow me to travel with the D's. I told her I had full custody and didn't need her signature. Said bye and hung up.

23rd December:
At school the D's get paged to come down to the school office. The secretary says to them
"your mom wanted you to have this for Xmas"
2 gift cards. Both D's were embarrassed and angry, getting these in this manner. They wanted to throw them away but decided not to.. they messaged me to see if they can mail them back to her. I said we'd talk about it when i got back from work. They were both so mad they wrote on the envelops some nasty things to W and decided to walk to her office 10 minutes away and put it in the mail box there. ( W still works in the same town as where we live. She moved 45 mins away. She is looking to transfer her work to that town).

27th December. I feel bad about the way the D's spoke to W on the phone (21st dec) and what they wrote on the envelop. I message her.
" I want to apologize for the girls behavior. They are hurt and needed to express that. It has been bottled up and needed to be released. We didn't raise our girls to talk to us that way. Wont happen again."

I didn't expect a message back. Got 2.

message 1:
W: I understand. I hurt them and broke up the couple, the marriage and the family. It's all my fault. I never thought it would be like this and i am paying for my choices. These consequences are more than what I could have ever imagined. I miss them and wish they forgive me. Merry Christmas.

message 2 December 28th

W : I miss your parents, wish them merry Xmas for me..

I don't reply. Took the great advice from Job, LouR, MLeighs, Mirage and bbtrfly. 5 out of 5 LBS agree, No reply...Let her sit on this and think it through herself. Small pocket of clarity.

31st December

W: wish you a happy New year and wish your parents a happy new year for me. (no mention of the D's)

my reply:
you should do it yourself.


Why the sudden interest in my parents?

She was closer to my parents than she was with her own parents (separated when she was 8, MLC mom) . When she first deleted everyone on Facebook. The only connection she kept was my mom. I helped my mom delete her because she didn't want to see W on there with OM. My mom understands what W is going through. she feels so sorry for W being so lost but at the same time doesn't want to be part of W's destructive life right now.


Again all words no action from W. most likely a low point for her not seeing the D's at Xmas. Her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. the D's have made it clear they will not see or give her anything. W missed both their birthdays. They are teens (W included) can't expect them to play nice.