Devastated after finding hope in the DB process

[LiM]

I tried calling but I guess it was after business hours. I'll call back.

After confiding a friend, I am feeling much better today. The night I found out, I probably only got 1 hour of sleep. I took some medication last night to ensure I was able to sleep and it has helped me to get my mind right.
I'm not so much angry as I am devastated and hurt. But I'm trying to stick to the plan. Yesterday, I worked out and then went to a movie. Today I am making a short overnight trip to spend some time with my best friend. I'm doing what I can to GAL. And this weekend, I'll make sure I spend some time doing something special with my kids.

I am however confused as to why I should not let her know that I am aware of the affair. After I came home from my movie last night, my wife and kids were gone. I got online to see the location of my kids phones and low and behold, they were at the OM's house. I'm not cool with that.
My feeling is that I should let her know that I am aware of the affair and tell her that she needs to leave the house so long as it is continuing. I believe I can do this calmly and without anger. My gut tells me that if she knows I am aware, and possibly scared that I would expose the affair to the OM's W (I wouldn't), that the affair would stop immediately. And at that point, I think she would then begin to engage with me on our issues. I know I can't tell her to stop or make her stop. That's her decision. But I can tell her she can't be in our house so long as it continues. I don't think its right for her to be able to stay in our house so long as the affair is ongoing and I certainly don't think its right for our kids to be around this other person.

If I don't ask her to leave on my terms, I do believe she will be leaving anyway. She does want a separation but I don't believe she has decided on a divorce. If she leaves on her terms, I believe the affair will continue and we can't reconcile so long as that is going on. If she leaves on my terms, I feel the separation could be only days or weeks (if the affair stops). If she leaves on her terms, the separation will be many, many months because she is going to have to find a place to live and sign a long lease.