Updated/still thinking about next steps

[Zues126]

Kyrie, I would think that I was your H if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not a pastor.

Be careful about going down the path of diagnosing him. That is the exact opposite of validating. That would be like if you voiced something that you felt was very important to you, and he asked you if it was that time of the month. I promise you that XW diagnosed me with bi-polar, and said all of these same things. Funny, once the M ended I wasn't depressed anymore and my life has never been better.

I don't know your sitch as well as you do but I probably know your H much, much better. What if, what if, what if...he is a totally normal man, that is in a bad marriage, and he's not dealing with it well? What if he's using his depression and anger to try to control you because you two are co-dependent as hell? What if he means well when he does it because he truly believes he's right and that if he could just get you to do what you're supposed to do everything would be better?

You have talked a lot about his dissatisfaction, and with changes you've made, but they are very vague. If I were H's best friend, what would he tell me that he was frustrated about specifically?

Would he say that you don't understand how important a sexual connection is? That he wishes you would take time to understand his desires and satisfy them? That the hardest job in a man's life is fighting off the urge to stray, and that when a husband is fighting that battle he depends on a woman being in his corner, meeting his needs, supporting him in his fight, and appreciating him for fighting that fight for her, and would he say that you haven't done that, but that you've instead acted like there's something wrong with him for being a man?

Are you currently initiating sex? Is he turning it down? If you walked into his bedroom and told him you wanted to put your problems aside and just make his dreams come true for a night, would he turn you away?

Men are so simple Kyrie. They only need a few things: Food, appreciation/admiration, and sexual connection. The hard part is that most women will never understand how powerfully they need those, and how much pain is caused when they don't get them from the one person they are supposed to turn to.