Hi Jelly, Thanks for responding, here are some answers to your questions.
"Personally I think there is some room to move here." That's what I felt in my gut.
"I have thought for sometime that under all W silence, she is quietly seething with anger. Personally I think that this anger needs to be expelled by her before there can be any shift." I asked a question later and she answered by saying she talks about her marriage in IC and she would be in IC for years. I responded years for the marriage? She said "and my issues". I think she has a full plate in IC.
"While it likely will be no fun on your end, there can be no coming together until this anger and resentment is out in the open. Then some move towards healing needs to happen." 100% correct.
"I am interested Mutatio, how did this conversation come about?" I was overcome by emotion. Our friend's funeral this morning and tomorrow is my 1 year DB anniversary. I went into ask her when she would want dinner ready, the next thing I said was can I ask you a question and we talked for about an hour.
"Another thing that interests me, is how W sees this housing sitch working for the next two years." I don't think she knows herself. I plan to make it as pleasant here as possible so she does not want to leave. I will give her space, respect her wishes and not pressure her. I have not asked a relationship question in 6 months.
"Ok so she doesn't want a relationship with you, yip no worries. But why not appear happier and more at ease in her own life and company. Why not just move out and on?" Good question, she said she is not 100% positive on divorce because our lives are so intertwined together. Just a guess but maybe me behaving and being patient has not pushed her over the edge. Also she is angry and resentful at me for being an a$$hole for 15 years.
"Personally W behaviour is confused she wants the best of all worlds and committing to none. She appears to be very unhappy." 100 % correct
"I also see her punishing you, rather than her moving forward for a new life for herself." In the short run I can live with that. I caused her a lot of pain. If she goes to IC and works through it while I work on myself just maybe.....
"W is very confused in my opinion and has no idea what she wants. I think she is likely in a lot of pain." I think you are correct. Her parents have told me a story about my wife when about 10 years old. She was mad at her parents so she walked out to the curb and sat with the garbage. They went out to ask her to come in and she said "no, I'm throwing myself out with the garbage". Could she be doing that now?
One more thing I never mentioned. She said she struggles with making the right decision and doubts herself about leaving the marriage. She said this stopped her from leaving many times. She is not confident about making the right choice. Even though she said she's done.
So talk to me Jelly, or anyone else, whats your gut say?
