I did put a LOT of stress on him unfairly by letting bear the burden of making money almost solely. I never made much and had periods of making nothing. There's obviously a lot more to our situation, but I now know he harbors so much resentment because of that. Rightfully so. I've also been angry at him for many many years for other reason, so I'm not the only bad guy. Just the biggest bad guy.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that happiness comes from within. I can't buy it, it doesn't come in the form in an R, only I am responsible for it. But it's a new way of thinking, so it'll take some time.
Mostly I just have fear of the future. Making money, parenting and doing it almost solo. THAT scares me. If my job plans fall through I am absolutely clueless as to what I'm going to do. They have to work out. Then I'll be fine.
I'm starting to get a little more excited to move back to Europe. I really need to get away from H. Being closer to my sibling will be nice too.
Rouky, thank you so much for being active on my thread. I can't express how much I appreciate your support.
