Mutatio, I have nothing to add to JellyB's post, her words are right on target. I am sorry for your pain and I am sorry for your W's pain.
You want opinions from women whose husbands acted like a$$holes? Well mine has and still does act that way and he is the one who wants to leave me. So I am no help. I believe my H wants me to suffer, because he unable to move past his own pain and doesn't want to suffer alone. Maybe that is what is going on with your W too? She is not happy. Has she expressed what would make her happy? She doesn't want a R with you, but she hasn't asked you to leave? Is she depressed? I am wondering if you are both depressed and mirroring it to each other? You both seem very stuck. I think JellyB brought this up a few weeks ago actually, probably expressed it much better than I am.
I do think there is hope Mutatio. But someone/something has to break this stalemate.
