Ancaire, I will be here posting with you. You won't be alone.
You've come such a long way from the downtrodden person you appeared to be not long ago. You sound like a different person, hopeful and confident. This is exactly was makes a DB'er successful.
We cancelled the emergency hearing. H has finally gotten it through his thick head he can't treat me any which way he chooses. He understands there are consequences for his actions. He's also beginning to understand I don't care in the same way I used to.
I've decided any man who can justify doing what he's doing to his family for the sake of his "happiness" is below my personal standards. I was willing to do whatever it took to keep my kids from having to go through this pain. He just "didn't want to". For that, I lost all respect. He's not the father I thought he was. It's making it so much easier to move on.
We go to mediation sometime this month to work out the details. The sooner, the better, for me. I'm ready to move on. I'm still focusing on myself - growing and learning. My goal is to become 100% comfortable in my own skin. I lost who I was while I was married to Mr. Controlling. I'm about 50% of the way there, and I don't plan to stop until I'm fine either by myself or in a room full of people.
I'm remembering things I like. I'm developing my own opinion about things. I'm looking forward to getting some kind of job. I really am looking forward...
Some part of me is going to miss H - but the old H, not this one. I will always love and respect the old H. I'll hang on to those memories, happily. I'm at peace with where I'm at.
You really sound as if you are almost into the light of detachment, or at least close enough to see it in the near distance. I hope that I can get to where you are some day.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I've decided any man who can justify doing what he's doing to his family for the sake of his "happiness" is below my personal standards. I was willing to do whatever it took to keep my kids from having to go through this pain. He just "didn't want to". For that, I lost all respect. He's not the father I thought he was. It's making it so much easier to move on.
Ancaire, I feel like I need to bottle this, preserve it in vinegar and stare it at so that I can remind myself how awful it is that our H's can do this to our children just because they want to seek their own happiness and throw away everyone elses. Thank you.
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
Some part of me is going to miss H - but the old H, not this one. I will always love and respect the old H. I'll hang on to those memories, happily. I'm at peace with where I'm at.
This reminds me of something my Dad keeps saying to me since H has left, "You're chasing shadows sweetheart." Sometimes I want to get my Dad to read DR so he can see where I'm at and other times I think about this sentence and cry, he is right, the man and H I knew and loved doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight.
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
With that said, I expect New Year's Eve to be a solitary, lonely affair. I will more than likely sleep through the whole thing, or spend all night here, posting!
I think we're all dreading this event. I've chosen to invite my parents round but am now wondering if it was wise. I'm thinking now that I'd rather just be asleep when the clock strikes midnight or be able to sit and cry on my own without them trying to cheer me up. I hope you get through it as best you can.
Ancaire, I'm sorry that things have gone this way for you. I am, however, glad to see that you are finding yourself again. There is a silver lining. I too don't understand how my W could think that this was best for our family. Why do I want to R with her if that is the case? I just feel that she is a very confused soul at this point, and hope she can find herself as well.
Inpain, I love the chasing shadows quote. I fear that it sums up most of us and our WAS.
Let's look forward to 2016. The worst is behind us. It will be an uphill climb, but the view will get better with each step we take!
I wish I could give you a hug, big sis. Hoping you have a great day!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Well, here it is, New Year's Eve, and I'm watching my boys get ready to go out with friends. H is long gone - and I'm by myself. Sad. I'm trying not to be, though. I'm reminding myself that this is the last night of this awful year. My "babies" graduated high school. My marriage collapsed.
I also realized a few key things: I haven't been myself in years. I've been very, very unhappy. I've finally begun to address the depression issue that has stolen so much of what should have been some of the happiest days of my life. I've begun to realize to what extent I lost who I was in favor of keeping peace in a M that was just limping along. I've remembered that I CAN do some things. I'm not completely helpless. I can probably do so much more than I realize, in spite of the chronic illness - I just need to keep working at it, and discover how much.
This coming year promises to be a year full of learning, of growing. I still have challenges to get through - the court case for the night I went insane, finding some place to live, getting through the final divorce. I have a feeling, though, that as I cross each of these hurdles, I'm going to toughen up, and gain some self-confidence.
I can only strive to be the best I can be. I wish I didn't have to do it alone - but I don't think I would have been challenged enough to do it on my own without all the horrible things that happened first. There is good to be found in every circumstance, no matter how awful it appears at first. It's often only upon reflection that we discover the lesson. That's something else I've learned to do: Reflect.
So many of life's lessons require thought. I didn't spend much time thinking about things when I was just existing. I thought I was happy, and I was, in a shallow sense. But the deeper lessons life has to teach, the growth that we should accomplish here on earth - I wasn't getting much of that.
I'm happy this year is coming to a close, because I'm ready to leave it all behind and become what I was always meant to be. I've made great friends here on the DB site. Friends that literally help me up and helped me through what was literally the worst period in my life. Friends that understand how I can still love H in spite of all the horrible things he's done. He wasn't always this way. I understand something I used to scoff at - MLC. Understanding that has helped me come to peace with the unexplainable.
So, in the end, I guess I can't say 2015 was the worst year of my life. 2015 was the year of catalyst, of change, of beginning to grow. It was literally the last year I went around wearing blinders. I have to be grateful for the chance and opportunities I've been given. I think learning to be at peace, to be grateful in spite of how things appear? I think that has been the biggest lesson of all.
It's New Years Day here in NZ about 2.31pm. Im hanging out at home watching bad tv, the weather is terrible a summer storm. Anyway I am here if you get lonely tonight on your own . Flick me a post.
This is will be a great year 2016. I always have great things happen on even numbered years. Does that sound crazy. It is true however. I also turn an even number too 44 this coming year in April. Can only be good I reckon.
Calm and peace will come Ancaire for sure, for both of us.
Ancaire 2016 WILL BE a happier new year for many of us and that definately includes You too!! I remember this time last year (just a few months after BD) I was paralyzed with grief I couldn't watch any of the New Year countdown shows the thought of looking forward to a future was excruciatingly painful. I did not know how I would survive without H I had to pretend it was just another night and I didn't even turn on the TV. This year although H is with OW I am better than I was last year. Although I am not going to a party I am looking forward to watching the countdown shows. Some of my kids have gone out to their parties and some are starting their party here and taking taxi to party later. I am enjoying the noise in the house and just relaxing with the dog. I don't want to be at a party. I am content right now. The New Year HAS to be better than the year we just lived/survived. Soi am looking forward to 2016 for whatever it may bring Happy New Year Judy!!!!!
