Merry Christmas Focus.looking on your thread it sounds like you have some great ideas for 2016. The cookery course will be local winter dishes. I'm looking forward to it. Resisting temptation to fill my suitcase with cookbooks. Bought a nice range of herbs and spices though.
Hi Scranton, I don't know if this helps, but last year I tried to come up with one new regular GAL plan a month - not all have continued since then, but I think I did actually manage around one per month, which made a big difference to my life. The GAL I did included volunteering in a bookstore, yoga, social group, calligraphy workshops, divorce recovery workshop, Aquafit. All of these are still continuing and some of them have led to new friendships and a better social life. I did others - tai chi, book group - these were good for a while, then I dropped them.
But I think if you can manage 'one per month' it makes a huge difference after (say) six months....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Merry Christmas Focus.looking on your thread it sounds like you have some great ideas for 2016. The cookery course will be local winter dishes. I'm looking forward to it. Resisting temptation to fill my suitcase with cookbooks. Bought a nice range of herbs and spices though.
Thanks for all the support and ideas. Today we are travelling back and I feel like venting a bit. Had a series of texts from W asking when we are arriving, what have we been doing and did S enjoy his film. Kept the responses brief and about the flights. She's stopped now but it just irritated me that she was texting in the way she used to when S and I would come back to be with her. I know not to give it another thought but I just wonder when she'll realise that for now I'm not that interested in talking to her. How long does it take somone to notice that I only replied to one text on Xmas day with a photo and haven't asked once for her plans during the whole festive period! Can't wait to start the New Year, sort out finances and keep our contact to the minimal. Still no idea why she hugged and cried the other day. I assume a mixture of guilt, sadness and regret. Who knows? I certainly can't change her mind but I can resist her occasional attempts to reclaim me as her best friend. Venting over!
Hi Scrant (sorry for the Scranton above - my IPad keeps wanting me to call you that!)
I think the whole 'texting as usual' thing is compartmentalisation - I can do this over here, which doesn't impact on that over there. But the fact is - a decision to leave a M for an A partner has far reaching and long lasting consequences. These just aren't evident in the heat of infatuation - but they become more evident over time - and as the infatuation fades many WAS's begin to wonder whether what they left for is truly worth it.
And of course, the fact that the AP was willing to get involved with a married person in the first place, means that they probably aren't worth it. I think most healthy people with high esteem when faced with that temptation would feel they wouldn't want to cause that degree of pain to others - ie: they would see Beyond the 'Rush' to the consequences....
Sounds like you are doing well with limiting your responses and not buying in to your W's vision of 'how great things can be with Scrant and my S post-separation' - maybe we can all go on a nice camping trip together next Summer and the guys will all get along...
I suspect your W will keep on pushing at that boundary and you will need to keep it kindly and firmly in place. Keep on keeping on there - it's early days yet my friend xx
Last edited by Sotto; 12/29/1506:25 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Today she really has been insistent. W rang S when we left airport to try to meet. He told her we would be busy and was very short with her so she rang me to see if Dad was more chatty. Said I was trying to cross busy city, lots of silences and a couple of answers from me about my running. She tried teasing S about not running. He just pulled faces. She sounded down and finally gave up. She said her sister had said I was going round to hers so why couldn't she see us before. Told her I had already said we weren't going to sister as we were tired. True. She reminded boy about his dentist tomorrow. I'm not going. Tomorrow I'll email to try arrange bank meeting for next Monday. Just texted her now to let know we are back safely. . Immediate response have a nice rest. No idea what she has been doing, hope her sister doesn't tell me anything about New Year either. Don't want to know if she is partying or not. The weird thing is that W is treating today as if it is just like any other return trip from parents. No! What is she thinking?
Just some venting. It is the first New Year/ birthday without W so it all feels a bit weird and horrible. Yesterday W texted again to ask if I wanted to go with her and S for the dentist appointment. I said no, thanks as it didn't need both of us. She gave up after that. S and I did some food shopping and I've tried out some new dishes to try to give him something different. Hated seeing all the couples and families out shopping but what can I do? Feeling a bit lonely after being home for a week. Texting various people but some are away and others busy with families. This evening we are going for our race, hoping to have a drink with friends afterwards. Going to celebrate New Year with sister in law, wife's Aunt, one of her friends and a couple of mutual friends. Hope we can keep off topic of W, don't want to know what she is doing or feeling. Doesn't help me. S wants to go out late with friends so I'll have to ring other mums to agree some plan. S hasn't told me if he is meeting Mum for lunch tomorrow. Don't think he knows really. I've prepared a simple text to send to W wishing her a Happy New Year and a Happy birthday, hope she has a good day. Nothing more. Tomorrow I'll just chill out, if S goes out I'll watch some of Xmas presents, read, meditate a bit (got a mindfulness book for Xmas!). Over weekend I'll text W to meet again for finances next week, New Year, new start but these days are hard as it is all so recent. Feels like something is missing just the two of us at home. Just had to get it off my chest!
Happy New Year to one and all. Finding it hard to be alone for the first time. Texted W and got back Happy New Year! Kissy face. Deleted immediately. Tomorrow/today S will go to lunch with her. I'll just try to find some me time. Told S I'm finding it hard these days. He understands. He beat me in the race but not by much!
Early hours of the morning and finally giving in to total despair. Collected son after he went out late for first time. No idea what W has been doing, don't want to speculate as it would be too painful. Today she'll celebrate her birthday with S and family. Feels like 2016 is starting by reminding me of what I have lost. I've been trying to move forward these last months but today just makes me realise that I'm alone while she has the OM. Still love her so all my successes at detachment feel pointless. Does anyone have any success at DBing or are we just trying to rebuild ourselves?
