Dropping the Rope V

[Fogg]

I desire the same things Mark. I remember having those conversations telling my W I wanted intimacy, I wanted to feel wanted, I wanted to feel like I was at least on the list of her priorities even if not at the top. It seems all she ever heard was I wanted sex and I can understand why. All those feelings of intimacy, the only time I would experience a taste of them was when fooling around right before sex or during it. She could never understand why I wouldn't just want to "just have sex and be done". Why I wanted to fool around and do stuff, even if it was ALL for her. I just wanted that closeness and was willing to do anything for her to have it.

I think your doing a great job with giving her space and time, who knows if it will be never. Maybe she desires the same things but is incapable right now. I know before BD I did too many things wrong and I know they didn't work and I see what your doing and I have hope it will. It's important to understand their inability or unwillingness to provide that intimacy to us had nothing to do with is. I know I took it extremely personally before and it caused me all kinds of issues.

Just as we have to face with our S's comming back I think we do have to come to a place where we accept any outcome. Maybe she will provide those needs, maybe she won't. I know this is something I've been thinking about lately and came up at my last IC. That if my W came back tomorrow things would go (eventually) to a magical place. We would have that intimacy and fix our M. But then I realized it wouldn't look that way. It would still be a hard road ahead with much of the battle you're facing now. I have hope things will still get better. Maybe this desire we have is something we need to work on instead of expecting it from them, idk.

Keep on your path, you're doing a great job.