the trouble is she already left. The D is finalized. She still lives in the house but for only a couple more weeks. I feel like she is going to need to win me back. She is going to need to impress me for me to consider taking her back.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
well in hearing that, I am not sure you want her back.
which is fine, but i do think you need to remember to keep an open mind during this time. remember changes are not over night. I also think she needs to tell you she wants to work on things and then you lay your cards on the table.
have a great new year
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I want my family intact. I want who I know she can be, who I've seen glimpses of her being and who she has told me she wants to be. I do not want who she is today. I want a healthy M, a healthy W, a healthy gs9 and a healthy family.
It's going to take work
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I want my family intact. I want who I know she can be, who I've seen glimpses of her being and who she has told me she wants to be. I do not want who she is today. I want a healthy M, a healthy W, a healthy gs9 and a healthy family.
It's going to take work
She has taken some positive steps. Part of this process is that you acknowledge that to her. If you show her there is no path back to you and your family staying together then she'll give up and you really will be finished for good. If you do want to stay with her then she has to know there is a path that leads to that. Show her that path and tell her what the rules are. Be fair and live by those rules yourself too.
One more thing. Don't ever stand your daughter up again. That's a chicken sh!t move. Do the right thing.
i think TX said much better what I was trying to get across. It sounds like you are pissed at her, which is ok. But if in the long run you do want your family intact it is just like the books say. What can you do differently to get the result from her that you want? You can not just say you dont want her like this. She has said some things to show she is coming around but you seem to have a wall up now. It is like the roles have reversed.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Tx, she has taken some positive steps but are they real or is she just temp checking. I feel she is still trying to cake eat. She's asking questions about my whereabouts now that we're D'd? She no longer has the privileges of being my wife. I have acknowledge to her that I see she is getting better. But I believe I should still wait for her to bring up R talk.
otw- I am very angry with her. I don't think I have fully allowed myself to run through these emotions.
Over the past couple weeks I have really been detaching and I'm seeing positive results OR MAYBE she's just being nice so I'll let her stay in the house until she closes on her new home. No one really knows.
I definitely have walls up. I don't trust her. I won't just let her jump back in to the circle of trust. I know God calls me to forgive immediately and I find myself doing this over and over again but trust must be earned.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
G You are right in all your points. And those are your feelings and more than fine. You are also right that this could be temp checks or false alarms. No question to any of this. I am not saying show her you are ready to jump into a R again.
This could also be my interpretation of reading. It don't come across like you could care less or not if she was alive.
Maybe tell her your thoughts but also that if she is not willing or wanting the same type of things then you are more than fine with that also.
I must admit that I am a bit jealous and wish I was in in your place. As messed up as that sounds since you are divorced now. Lol. I actually laughed after typing that. Right now I get nothing from my W and it is driving me crazy to think I am putting something on hold waiting.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Okay, she approached you with a harsh tone (bad attitude) and demanded to know about your private life? Typical of a jealous WW. What I don't understand is why you gave her an answer. Why couldn't you have just looked at her and say, "Really"? Then you could have walked out. She needs to be slapped by the reality of her decisions, and one of those is that she has put you back on the market. You don't have to see anyone, but she doesn't get to have that smug assurance.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I wish I would have said "really?" and just left. Right now I'm having a hard time. I want her to know there is a path back to us but I feel if I tell her so she'll just take advantage of me again. My thoughts were around sending a text that said something like. "Happy new year. I want you to start this year hearing, knowing and believing I love you. I don't know what God has planned for us but I do know it's going to be great. I don't know what it's going to look like or what He has in store but it's going to be better than we imagine."
Then....I catch myself. She wouldn't appreciate something soft and sincere. In order for her to come back to this marriage she is going to have to spend time and energy showing me she wants it. Winning me back.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
