Ghost taking baby steps

[25yearsmlc]

Your kids aren't your priority right now, you are not your priority right now, your wife is.

And I know how that can go. But everything began to change for me as soon as I took the focus off him, and put it where it belonged. on me and my daughter

Ginger doesn't mean that your wife SHOULD be your priority. She was stating the fact that she IS your priority right now.


It's time to change that.

Exactly^^.

Going back to your original question about who comes first, I think of it this way:

On an airplane, when there's turbulence, and the oxygen masks drop drown to use,

we are told to put the 02 mask on ourselves FIRST, and THEN put the 02 on your child's. If we can't breathe, they won't be able to breathe.

THIS^^ metaphor is to show you that when your kids need you, and they do/will, they can rely upon & look at you for comfort and strength, because you'll be squared away.

As I told you, my mother died suddenly & she died right before we had to take our last child (daughter) off for college. I "kept my sh1t together" for my daughter, despite being in so much pain...it was For HER, that I wanted to create a happy send off. My D was leaning on ME to reassure her & help her feel confident.

How did I do it? 2 ways: First, I talked to an IC right after my mother passed, and again before taking our d off to the east coast. The IC really helped.

Secondly, I faked it till I could make it. I put aside my grief and laid it on a shelf to get thru the days of the trip. I knew I could always go off by myself to grieve, which helped me function when I could not overtly show my grief.

If I were in your shoes, I'd do the same. Compartmentalize your spinning/pain.

Your children need reassurance from you now, more than ever. But they will Not be able to get support from you if all your energy continues to be spent in pursuit of a woman who does not want you now, or spinning about, cycling and asking repeatedly "Why/why/why??? OR What do I do now?"

You KNOW you have to detach. You KNOW you must GAL, in order to Detach.

This is^^ simple. Yes it is simple.

It's not "easy" but it's also Not complicated.

You're making everything too complex & you do this based on FEAR. (What if I GAL?? - as if you've given that a chance AND as if what you're doing is working AND as if we are suggesting something that is risky.

Even if you are Not a believer, the following applies:
When you operate in Fear, you are Not operating in Faith.


GAL IS NOT RISKY!!. We harp and harp on GAL, b/c we know it works!

It means you're someone bringing something to the table as a mate,

other than your FEARS & NEEDS. I feel as if I've already listed GAL activities before on your thread. Don't make excuses for Not GAL. It's inertia and fear. You have to overcome them.


Your posts and your life, is still mostly all about her and how you feel about losing her...Change that.

What's stopping you from GAL? Are there zero interests outside of your family?

Nothing you ever wanted to do, join, visit, study, learn, coach, or a new church you'd like to attend?

You've been "STUCK TOO LONG" and that's a choice you're making.
Time for a different choice.

Seeing you make the same choices of NOT GAL and NOT Detaching, is just so frustrating, for me anyhow.