W calls me twice yesterday. Nothing that couldn't have waited until she came to pick the kids up at teatime. Kinda bizarre really; I have disconnected and am living as if I am totally single and with no dependency on W to look after me, but now that we are apart, W has started to act as if she can't do without speaking to me for a day.
I really don't understand the mindset here. I thought, if you walked away, you kept walking, but it seems, as the theory is spelled out, and as sandi2 keeps telling all newbies, as you stop running after them, they become curious about what you're up to and want to be back together. W has asked if we can go to the cycle shop on Saturday together to pick our D's birthday present up. OK, no problem there, but she then plots out how she thinks I should plan my days for the next three days. I had to say no and that I would accomodate what she wants as far as possible.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Interesting change in her behavior. Does she talk about the marriage or just children and living situations? How do you feel about her continued dependence on you? Are you relegated to friend or is it more?
Sounds like the dynamic has truly shifted here. Remember the dance? Keep dancing mate. You are doing great. I wouldn't concern myself about the mindset of your WAS. Let her figure out for herself that the fantasy is just that, a fantasy.
I'm so glad you find yourself being comfortable on your own and able to be a stand up dad for your kids. This is the secrete for me. Be true to yourself and your family. The rest will fall into place, no matter what the outcome.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
She is very interested in my flat. She has checked out room sizes, decoration etc. and takes a good look around every time she comes. I don't know why (check that nobody else is on the turf?) but, as her temporary accommodation is nigh on repellent, I guess she's started to think she's made an error.
NDY
How you doing bud? We must get that drink soon!
Surprisingly, I am Ok living on my own. Don't get me wrong, I miss the touch of a woman etc., but as for practical day to day things, I'm doing just fine. I now realise how much of a bugger ironing shirts is!
Christmas is always a funny time as I generally have all of it off as holiday. That has given me the opportunity to be with the kids more than usual, which has been great.
So, in general, I can't figure out what she's up to, but I'm not concerned and just living life. That's as good as it gets right now.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
She could be up to anything so I would just live your life like your already doing and see where it leads. When I would see similiar signs and try to place a meaning on it, good to bad, my IC would pull me out of that thinking. You might believe she thinks she made a mistake or could care for you and it could be something else like her seeing if your still attached or even jealous of what you have. Could be anything so it a best to not assume one way or another. I still do it more than I would like but I am working on it.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Funny, I was always ok with the domestic side of things apart from cooking. I intend to resolve that in January as I'm signing up for classes. Yip, should be good.
I'm getting this place sorted and it feels good. I've truly moved on and starting to make a new life for myself. Remember the advice from wonka about being Clint? Well, I have this vision in my head of who I want to be from now on and that's what I'm striving for. Perhaps it's this time of year of the new house but it's a good move. I feel great.
My ExW is still in manic mode. It's now the overly happy mode with anyone she meets. Like she's straining with it. This is what I've noticed but without mentioning this mutual friends pointed this out to me. Interesting, very interesting but still none of my business.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Yes, that's how I'm approaching it. She's still having problems putting up a blind in her bathroom and has borrowed some step ladders and an extension lead, despite her already having the 100ft one! I think she was trying to get me to go and put it up, but as she didn't ask specifically, I haven't offered.
In the summer, I would have applied a reason or feeling to everything she said or did. Now I don't. I'm just letting it ride. If she makes a move -fine, let's see how it goes, but I'm not saying anything. My biggest worry right now is what to have for my tea and what days the bins will get emptied this week!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Your post didn't appear until today! Good to hear that you're doing fine. Cooking lessons? Beans on toast needs a lesson! Ha ha, good to know.
So, I woke up this morning in a pretty down mood. That took me by surprise really. I had a sex dream about W last night and I woke up feeling awful. It's hard to disguise, I still really love her and miss her.
I decided to work out what had caused this. Well, I didn't have to look far. Sat on the side table in the living room was a 2/3rd empty bottle of Baileys. Ooops! Last night I was watching a documentary on Frank Sinatra (don't know why, I don't even like that crooner singing style) and must have been topping up my glass. I didn't realise how much I'd had.
Lesson - don't drink at home. So, what to do. Well get up and put this down on here; get it out of the system, pick myself up and get on with things today. Kids are coming for tea, so I've got that to prepare.
I knew one day I'd have a mini downer, but it got me thinkning - if i'm thinking about things, W must be as well.
So, 2016 - let's be having you!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi Huddy, Happy New Year to you my friend. Sorry to hear about the accidental Bailey's fest and resulting downer. I hope you're feeling a little better than earlier. Yes, bring it on this year and I hope the year ahead holds many joys for you.
I always smile when I read your posts now and think about how far you have come. Do you remember when you used to post about your W wearing a certain top or looking at you in a certain way and what did we think that might mean?? Truly, your focus has shifted so much, and I do think the dynamic between you and your W has shifted too. There is a bit of pursuit and distance going on now, with your W as the pursuer. I'll be interested to see what 2016 brings - but I'm sure you are going to be just fine whatever the ultimate outcome.
Have a great year Huddy ! Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
