Dropping the Rope V

[roist]

Z not all needs can be met on your own. Yes you need to take charge of your needs and your happiness, but I am not sure substituting needs or gap filling will solve this. You have been doing that. 

We are all here to save our M but not just to stay M. We want a good fulfilling M/R. That is normal. Two years ago I would have been happy just knowing we'd spend our lives together. Today that is not enough. I want love, romance, affection, complicity, fun and all the other good stuff. We have researched and studied married life so much that we know how good it can be, how good it could be and how it should be. Early on in the process our wives are on a pedestal and we see perfection ( or at least perfect for us).

I believe that during this process we also put our M on a pedastel. If you could wipe your memory of everything you went through the last few years and just looked at your M without comparing it to this ideal M, it probably would seem pretty good. Better than many at least and definitely better than most of us here. I do not say that in a bitter way. I am happy that you have made progress.

I am not belittling what you feel. I am not saying you are wrong to feel that way. Over our time here, I sence that you do better when you focus on what you have and not on what is missing.

I don't have time to finish rambling so I'll sign off. I'll be here for you next year. Happy new year.