Finally! 2015 is coming to an end. :-)

[inpain]

I've decided any man who can justify doing what he's doing to his family for the sake of his "happiness" is below my personal standards. I was willing to do whatever it took to keep my kids from having to go through this pain. He just "didn't want to". For that, I lost all respect. He's not the father I thought he was. It's making it so much easier to move on.

Ancaire, I feel like I need to bottle this, preserve it in vinegar and stare it at so that I can remind myself how awful it is that our H's can do this to our children just because they want to seek their own happiness and throw away everyone elses. Thank you.

Some part of me is going to miss H - but the old H, not this one. I will always love and respect the old H. I'll hang on to those memories, happily. I'm at peace with where I'm at.

This reminds me of something my Dad keeps saying to me since H has left, "You're chasing shadows sweetheart." Sometimes I want to get my Dad to read DR so he can see where I'm at and other times I think about this sentence and cry, he is right, the man and H I knew and loved doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

With that said, I expect New Year's Eve to be a solitary, lonely affair. I will more than likely sleep through the whole thing, or spend all night here, posting!

I think we're all dreading this event. I've chosen to invite my parents round but am now wondering if it was wise. I'm thinking now that I'd rather just be asleep when the clock strikes midnight or be able to sit and cry on my own without them trying to cheer me up. I hope you get through it as best you can.