Just returned from another hockey tournament. Once again spent the past few days with the family. My wife and I get along but I hate this feeling of deception. It's to the point where her actions towards come across as so fake. Knowing she does not want to be with me is eating away at me.
Tomorrow is a new day and the last day of the year. I am so full of fear, confusion and anger. I hate these feelings and acting "as if nothing is wrong " is hard. I too feel like such a fake. As my wife put it " I wear my emotions on my sleeve ". I struggle daily with showing no affection. It's who I am. I care too much for my wife and although I know in my head that this is part of my 180 and needs to be done, my heart is aching.
I find myself so angry at my wife for her betrayal to our marriage that my rage eats me up inside. Thankfully this rage is internal and I am strong enough not to let it get the best of me.
I just needed to vent. I wish it was my spouse that I was venting to. Had I done this in the past and had more communication and dialogue, I am positive we could have avoided this sitch. It hurts not having anyone to talk to.
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
