Finally! 2015 is coming to an end. :-)

[ciluzen]

We cancelled the emergency hearing. H has finally gotten it through his thick head he can't treat me any which way he chooses. He understands there are consequences for his actions. He's also beginning to understand I don't care in the same way I used to.

I've decided any man who can justify doing what he's doing to his family for the sake of his "happiness" is below my personal standards. I was willing to do whatever it took to keep my kids from having to go through this pain. He just "didn't want to". For that, I lost all respect. He's not the father I thought he was. It's making it so much easier to move on.

We go to mediation sometime this month to work out the details. The sooner, the better, for me. I'm ready to move on. I'm still focusing on myself - growing and learning. My goal is to become 100% comfortable in my own skin. I lost who I was while I was married to Mr. Controlling. I'm about 50% of the way there, and I don't plan to stop until I'm fine either by myself or in a room full of people.

I'm remembering things I like. I'm developing my own opinion about things. I'm looking forward to getting some kind of job. I really am looking forward...

Some part of me is going to miss H - but the old H, not this one. I will always love and respect the old H. I'll hang on to those memories, happily. I'm at peace with where I'm at.

You really sound as if you are almost into the light of detachment, or at least close enough to see it in the near distance. I hope that I can get to where you are some day.