WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

I'm concerned about what you point out Zeus. For this reason, I don't intend to act on anything too quickly. My W agrees. We want to take it slow and not burn any bridges.

In the list of reasons why I'm leaning out right now, #1, #2, #5, and #6 are not things that I have been flip flopping on or only feeling/thinking recently. These are things that were seriously bothering me about the M for years, consistently. I tolerated these things by minimizing my own needs and pushing down my anger for years. Overall, it felt worth it because there were enough good things about the M that I could tolerate the bad. Her affairs pushed it into the red for me, and for the past 2.5 months I have been grasping for a sense of hope that somehow this could all work out in the end, that we could use it as a springboard to finally face our issues and grow together. It simply isn't unfolding this way and I have lost all but a very small thread of hope, which has been increasingly painful to continue trying to hold on to.

I simply cannot tolerate her OCD behavior anymore, so I am shifting into kindly declining to be complicit anymore. This is making me feel much better about not abandoning myself anymore but with the unfortunate side effect of angering her and pushing us farther apart. I have never set boundaries regarding this before and now that I am doing so, she really doesn't like it. It's quite obvious that we can't live harmoniously in the same house given the reality of this conflict.

In a way, I feel like these affairs have been a gift to wake me up and make me seriously look at the big picture. I don't know if anyone here will support me, but I really will need support if I do ultimately end up deciding to move forward with a mutual decision to separate and/or divorce. I still wish there was some way I could avoid this, but I just can't do it alone, and I really don't believe that my W can change in the ways that I would need her to in order to start doing all the extremely hard work that it would take.

I will give it more time just in case, but this is where I'm at now.