Z - I don't think you're missing anything. I think you're on to something! I have learned, over these past few months, that I did completely rely on H to make me "happy", to make me feel strong. When did I forget to do that for myself? No wonder I lost all sense of me and became someone else.
I'm not sure about your W. I don't think you are either. But, I don't think your problem is that you need to become more self-reliant. I think it's that you have a need that is not being met. I get the sense that saving your M/R is extremely important to you, but that all your needs are not being met in that R. What is it you think you need to make you happy? How do you become emotionally secure?
I think the answer to the second question lies in the answer to the first: What makes you happy? What is it you need? These are things you can tease out on your own, or with the help of an IC. If you are missing something important from your W, you need to figure out what that is, and come up with a way of addressing the situation. If she is ultimately unable/unwilling to provide whatever it is you wish you had from her, you need to get to a point that you can be okay with that, and find what you need in yourself.
You are making sense - I feel your thoughts swirling as I was reading. It's interesting that my question "stung" - I was only reaching out, but somehow hit a nerve. That's really compelling - what is in there that caused a reaction?
You may really have stumbled on to something here, Z. Let's keep digging, and see what we find. For myself, I'm on the path to being 100% happy in my own skin. I'm about 50% there...lol I know what I need to work on, and I'm doing it - but it is a process. You've been at this longer than I, so you know what I mean. I think once I can be completely happy with who and what I am, other things really won't matter. I won't "need" anyone else, and feel so lost without them.
I don't want to be alone, however. I just want my own fulfillment to come from me, so that discontent isn't bubbling away somewhere it my subconscious. It really changed me as a person that it was - and I had no idea! I see it now - thus my journey.
Please keep posting. I miss you when you're quiet for too long!
