Here again after 9 years and struggling

[JZ109]

Hi JZ109 and thank you for posting, I really appreciate you taking the time. It does help with loneliness to come on here and see that someone replied. Sorry you're here too, I'll have a read of your situation.

My situation is somewhat different from yours. W is still here, and very much invested in the kids, as I am. I went through a period of soul-crushing loneliness, but am largely on the other side of that. We're in separate beds, though and nights are still hard.

I ended up going to breakfast but wished I hadn't as it made me feel worse.

I was afraid that might be the case. Spending any time with your H right now is probably going to be like that. You can't help looking at him with the "sad eyes" (as my W calls them) right now. I've been there. I used to burst into tears multiple times a day. I've been working on detaching, and building up my emotional resilience. The sad eyes have largely been replaced with my usual twinkle. But some days are harder than others. Hang in there, and keep taking care of yourself and your kids.