Here again after 9 years and struggling

[Zues126]

Yes, I really need to see that he just doesn't want me or love me at all. I wish I knew how long for because I feel like everything I've known for years has been a lie.

You were spot on until this. Concluding he doesn't love you and doesn't want you and hasn't for years and everything was a lie is letting your emotions drive your thoughts a bit. I can't say for sure he always loved you or that he's conflicted, etc, but that's much more likely the case. It's usually not a matter of love, it's a matter of resentment that gets in the way.

TBH I remember regretting kicking him out, but not anymore. I don't like who he has become. I can feel little by little the door closing and I'm no longer dreading the D word.

It's sad that it has to come to this end, but I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I'm only 40 and still have a life ahead of me.

Inpain, while I don't want you to suffer endlessly (and you won't), there is nothing wrong with feeling the loss that comes with D.

I don't really feel the way Rouky does on this one. I don't know the whole story so I'm speaking in general...My belief in remaining in a committed marriage doesn't hinge on whether I like that person or not. If they become someone I don't like, they may become someone I do like in the future. I dislike the 'we grew apart' talk. Whatever. I'm reading too much into that part of the comment.

You're right. You can't simply patch a new relationship over the remains of a failed marriage and broken family and have the relationship you wanted with someone else plugged in. It doesn't work that way. The whole idea of a marriage is building your life with one person that you take to be special to you. If they're all replaceable then they can't be special, just today's hired actor to play the part of a partner.

So I admire your pain, because it is a sign of how deeply you cared, and how strongly you meant your commitment.

That all said, I feel the same and I am surviving and thriving. So don't worry about being in the tunnel. We are here to guide you on this rope tour. Just hold on to our rope and drop the other rope. OK, I confused myself.