Stupid, I have covered in spades. Cheerful will take effort. But I will try.
I woke up pissed after catching myself trying to roll toward my wife to cuddle/grope. Yes I know the difference, and no I wasn't looking for just spooning. I jumped out of bed and decided I needed to do something, anything to distract myself.
So I made coffee and left for a drive. No destination. No direction. I don't even know where I went. Or how long I was gone. All I know is I needed to leave. To be alone with my thoughts.
At some point I decided I needed to be more proactive about getting things done for ME. No one else. ME. So I said hello to my wife's parents, got some coffee and went outside to change my car's oil. I came back and noticed the dynamic hadn't changed so I left again to get a haircut. Then i did some work and listened to music. Next thing i know, I found out my wife and mil were going out for a mommy-daughter day.
I don't know what this says about me, my relationship, or my in-laws, but I was ecstatic. The rest of the day went smoothly (my fil and I don't have as many issues), and I'm getting ready to make dinner. Mood brightened, and now my wife is helping me make dinner.
I might just make it through this week yet. Deep breaths and wine might also help
Last edited by SciDad; 12/30/1511:41 PM.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I needed the support today. It always seemseems you stop by when I need it most. Thank you.
I still have hope, but am struggling to remain detached. This feeds to be my wife's decision and I can't force or persuade her to do anything she doesn't want to
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I miss you too! The holidays are tough, especially on my guitar practice. After your post I made sure to do a little while supervising my kids showers. I don't think I have any real calluses yet, but I do have a high pain tolerance....
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Overall I think you're doing very well. GAL and continue to realize your self-worth. If you feel worthless about yourself then she will see you as worthless. Who wants a worthless person? If you build up your self-worth (which you have a lot) then you give off an essence of confidence in yourself and that makes you very attractive. Your team is a great team but there are standards if she wants to be part of it. Rule 1, no OM's. As long as that rule is being broken then she can't be on your team. You continue to detach, GAL, and move on. Great job, you should be happy and proud of your progress.
Unfortunately I don't feel all that successful. Need more patience, i suppose. I think I'll start to feel better once I get my GAL going again, and I'm pretty sure part of why I feel so crappyis located is because I'm not doing enough GAL.
It just feels weird to be sitting so close on the couch yet feel so distant. Oh well, made it through another day, and hoping this year will be better than last
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
GAL? Boy do I need to focus on that! This is just so darn confusing. H gives me clear signs he still cares, yet he is completely determined to continue on this path. I don't understand it at all.
Maybe if I find something to do, something to occupy my thoughts other than the destruction of my entire life, I'll be able to start moving forward. I did come to a very important realization yesterday. I have GOT to be stronger. I have got to keep it all together for the sake of the kids.
It just sux, you know? I keep telling myself the DB mantra - it all takes TIME, this didn't happen in a day, and it's not going to get better in a day, either. I just don't know what to do with H pushing me so hard to finalize the D. He already knows I don't believe in it. He must - or he wouldn't be pushing so hard, but that's not the man I've married! Where did that one go?
I wanted to drop in and support you, and instead whined about myself...lol I think you're doing a great job. It's got to be hard with her, right there...and yet, you're doing it. Please keep it up. I'm following along and trying to learn from people like you.
