Ghost taking baby steps

[25yearsmlc]

Sandi thank you for your time ....I guess I did not want to call my W as over the two days I had got my boys to FaceTime my W a couple of times and I know I need to talk to her less

She did not msg me at all while I was away if she wanted to find something out she sent a msg to our son rather than to me ,,,,,Wp she is already very distant.

So you ask what can you help me with ok here is a question whilst I am in the house with my W I am finding the conversation beyeen us getting harder to find things to talk about do I work on building this up or should I try and distance myself

Fogg you are spot on it is the fear is there a way to address this

You know^^^ the answer. STFU. Why MUST you talk to her? You're not there to entertain her, there is no "need to talk"! In fact, you're not great at it. Your "needs" ooze out and are a form of manipulation and pressure.

You're there b/c you are the children's father and you live there, at least for now.

Stop believing that if you say exactly the right words in exactly the right order, that "it" will happen. I could've made the best legal arguments in the world when h and I were sep and I think I'd have "won" if I'd been in court. But h was deaf to my words.

My advice for you at this point?

PLEASE seek professional help asap. We are no substitute for IC.

There is no shame in seeing an IC. I sure did it when h and I were sep and it helped me a lot.
I wasted a year of our 2 year sep (yes, 2 years, so check your timeline before you mention how long and painful this all is and there are "no guarantees", etc. We know).

Also, I recently lost my mother, which was an enormous & unexpected loss. There is a gaping hole in my life. Our last child went off to college 2 weeks later, and we moved from a home I loved, to a town where I know 4 people. So the thing is,

OF COURSE, I'm talking to a T! (Why wouldn't I??) I thank God for these resources.

Grief & fear are closely linked, and you are feeling both right now, big time.

Look, You sound as if you are barely functioning, which isn't good for anyone. Plus, even when you are "With" your boys, you do not sound as if you're fully present.

Believe me, I've been there. Just see someone and call this week, even if you can't get in to see them for a bit.

CALL this week.

Just Knowing you're going to be able to talk to someone helps.

While you wait for the appointment, read the DB book again and again, till you really get that this is a PROCESS, not a fix or cure.

The secret to this, is that there is no secret. We work on all our r's in life.

As Sandi's wise Grandmother said, "you're never done working on things".