WW is onboard with trying to save the M

[JGuy]

It's weird to me to
1) set a deadline to make a decision.
And
2) push her to agree to wait to make this decision.

How do you think the next 3-4 weeks are going to go with this deadline hanging over the both of you?

The intention of this was to create a safe space for us both where we can turn down the intensity of the drama while we get clear.

Anyhow, I spoke too soon. When my W got up, she came to me and said that she is back to being certain that she wants to consider this a trial separation.

Later today, we ran into a conflict with regard to her OCD again. My need to GAL and my increased need for support from my friends and family means that I really want to have friends over. I am trying to organize a gathering on New Year's Eve tomorrow for my parents and invite some of my other friends, but my W is putting roadblocks at every turn. She doesn't want certain friends to come who she doesn't like even though they are very dear to me. She doesn't want people to invite their kids along because kids are particularly "dirty".

For reference, here here is a post from one month ago where I went into detail on my W's OCD. This problem long pre-dates her waywardness and has always been a serious issue for me, along with her avoidance behavior and complete disinterest in ever working through a single conflict collaboratively. Our counselor agrees that my W does have a serious OCD problem. She and other friends have advised me that I really should stop being a doormat and tolerating this by being compliant with it and minimizing my needs as an equal member of our household. I have suppressed my anger about this for long enough and now that I'm even more in need of connecting with other friends than ever, I just can't put up with this anymore.

I know that many people here are entirely against divorce, no matter what. I am not... and I am feeling more certain than ever that this is what I want now, for multiple reasons:

1. I simply cannot live with a woman who has an OCD problem like this and won't even admit that it is a problem, and is completely selfish about it to the extent of causing extreme resentment in me.
2. I have tried throughout our entire R to respectfully discuss things when I recognize a conflict or problem that poses a threat to the M. This includes confronting my W many, many times as long as 4 years ago about her obvious fading attraction to me. She always avoided it and wouldn't even talk about it. I need a partner who is actually willing to talk through problems with me and grow together in the M.
3. She has cheated on me, was dishonest and hid it for 2 years. This caused extreme damage to my trust as well as to the way that I see her as a person. I really don't know if I can put this behind me, even if she was to become interested in trying to earn back my trust.
4. She hid doubts about getting married from the very beginning. She never disclosed the fact that she really didn't want to have a child, and went ahead and had our son anyways because she was too scared to confront me about it. She hid this for 8 years!
5. She does not want a 2nd child, and I really do.
6. She is very different from me and we have few interests in common. We have completely different friends and different lives. When I try to do things together, she has always resisted, even long before she became wayward.
7. I have been feeling very good since yesterday about the idea of splitting.
8. My parents divorced when I was 12, and it wasn't nearly as damaging as many divorces that I hear about. Both my sister and I were glad that they did. Both of my parents ended up in much happier 2nd marriages which have lasted and are still going. So I have a good model for how to divorce in a way that is least damaging.
9. My W and I are mutually aligned on this now. We both want a clean divorce and we want to stay friends and put our son first. No lawyers, just a mediator. I'm confident that we can do it in a way that isn't messy and minimizes damage to our son.