Quote:

Let me try, under the dangerous assumption that his problem with chores is similar to my problem with chores. My love languages are Quality Time and Touching. I suspect that my wife's are Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation, but she mainly asks for Acts of Service.

I'm really looking for romantic connection, and whenever I bring up the subject, she starts talking about chores.



Hello Jonathan!

Thanks for your insights. My LLs are definitely Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts. I suspect that H's are Words of Affirmation and Touching. I am definitely guilty of making the statements that your W made..."I'm looking for love, she's giving me chores". I definitely do not nag, as I am not H's mother, taskmaster or parole officer. However, that means that I either do everything myself or silently seethe as things are left undone.

I understand that I need to be the one to change to get H to make a positive change in my direction. Here is the rub...how to make the change when Words of Affirmation and Touching are definitely foreign languages to me? I grew up in a household where ILY was never spoken...not between my parents and not from my parents to me. Also, touching never happened. I never saw my parents touch and they rarely touched me. We were all on the Acts of Service wavelength big time. Words of Affirmation and Touching come about as easy to me as it is to understand H and his family when they start speaking their native language...

It doesn't help that I had to return SSM to the library yesterday. I am going to the used book store to see if they have a copy there. I just got to the action step chapter and didn't quite finish it...

....cattlekid